I'm having some issues with my g/f of about 3 years, who currently seems like she does not want a relationship anymore. Here is the situation that made this happen:

Last night, I was over my house installing a new exhaust on my car and I set my phone inside my car while I was working underneath it. It was also on silent from my work. My g/f calls and I never got the calls cause I didn't hear it, so I call her back a couple hours later and she's pissed, so I tell her I'm grabbing something to eat and then comming home.

Well it takes a bit longer than I expected, cause I went with my friends and it took about two hours. This whole time she was alone at her house (I totally forgot she was alone) and kept calling me but my phone was on silent (forgot to turn it back on) and didn't get through. So I end up calling her when I get out of the restaurant and she starts saying shit like she can't deal with me anymore and that I lied to her saying that I was going to be quick.

We get in a huge fight and she wants me to take my stuff and leave. I come to get my stuff and manage to at least get her to see that we should at least try to work it out and she says I can do whatever I want and so I decide to stay. She said she doesn't think we can work it out since we have been having problems for the past year or so and we have tried.

I talk to her today online from work and she is pissed still (of course) and asks me if I am coming home tonight, to which I say yes if you want and she says I can do whatever I want and that she doesn't care. I say I love you and she says sure and gets offline.

I'm not sure what to do, I really want to work things out. She is an awesome person and I really would like to marry her some day. But this seems like she doesn't even want to be with me. Let me know what you guys think. Sorry for this being so long, but I could really use some advice right now.

 

That's crazy man, my g/f and I just broke up yesterday. And this as well as my last relationship ended in a similar way to what you're describing. It seems that I'm always willing to work things out in a relationship because that's just how I am....logical But I've come to find that a lot of women find it easier to just quit or they expect to be spoiled by you until you "earn" another chance. To me, at some point I just lose the willingness to try and make things better again. If this is how your g/f is, then it'll probably come to you deciding if you want to make the effort to keep the relationship going. One other thing I've learned from my most recent relationship is that sometimes if you guys give each other some time apart things will work out the way they're supposed to. Either you will each go your seperate ways relatively immediately, or you'll gravitate back to each other. That's just been my experience anyways. That's actually how I know when it's time to move on. Good luck man, and I hope everything works out the way you want it to.

Nick

 

No worries. Just be open and honest. WOmen hate it when you make excuses or when you try to give reasons for why you did what you did. The reality in most instances is that we try to explain to our significant others why they shouldn't be upset...WRONG! What I have learned to do is realize that the other person is upset, apologize for hurting their feelings regardless of wether I think they should be hurt or not. Explain to them that you understand what you did worng and why they feel the way they do and DO NOT SAY THE WORD "BUT". Your apology and sincerety are NOT CONDITIONAL based upon some excuse that you have for yourself NOT BUT!. And THEN make an honest effort to make them understand where I am coming from.

 

First of all, this phone incident is just the cherry on top and probably the last straw for her. Nobody wants to break up over a silly thing like that. Obviously there is something seriously wrong about your relationship in her point of view.

Either that or she's psycho.

 

yes I agree that this is not the first time we have faught, since I moved in with her and her mom (I did not want to move in) we have been fighting. I think the logical thing would be to move out, but she says she thinks that we won't stay together that way (but maybe we won't stay together either way).

Anyways thanks for the responses. Like said earlier, we will probably have to stay away from each other for a while I guess

 

If you really like this girl things can still improve.

The trick is better communication. She is just asking that you keep her in the loop and if you try just a little harder to let her know what you are doing and when you plan on things I guarantee it will get better over time. If you can stick to your plans and let her know if plans change I am sure she will be reasonable and forgiving. Well... pretty sure that is.

I had to go through the same thing and it's much better for me now!

 

Well......all I have to say if something is fishy if that is the way she is reacting. I waited for an "out" on my last one and boy did I take it when the opportunity arose. (long story) but basically I was looking for an open door out and when I saw the slight beam of light through the cracked door, I busted out. Not sure if this is her, but sounds like what I did........sorry

 

I'm sorry to hear about you having issues with your girlfriend. I broke up with my girlfriend last week. We've been only going out for 2 months but we have connected with each other in a way that I haven't been able to with another girl for a long time. It turns out she had an anxiety disorder (that alone didn't bother me) that was compounded with obsessive compulsion along with manic depression. I thought I could deal with it but I really couldn't. She was very insecure and used her job to hide behind her insecurities. She had no reason to feel insecure. She was very smart (microbiologist) and a very cute girl. An equal balance of looks and brains. A rare quality I have been able to find lately. Unfortunately, she had this huge ego that if you were to debate with her on a topic (which I feel makes for a stimulating and intelligent conversation so you can both learn about each others' views and perspectives) she would find it threatening to her intelligence. Or better yet, if you were to merely raise (not yell) your voice to state a case, she would find it threatening and say it's rude. But it's okay for her to yell and raise her voice to me during an argument. I will not be held to any double standards. I may have said something to her that I shouldn't have said. But that didn't mean that I didn't mean to say those words. I pointed out to her what she did wrong as well and she told me that I am putting her down while in the same context, I am admitting my wrong!! WTF???? I had to walk on eggshells so as not to piss her off. I am more dissapointed than hurt that it didn't work out because she was not what I expected her to be. I don't know what I have to do to meet someone normal. I don't think I can meet a girl like her again for a long time who won't have her psychological issues. I feel for you man!

 

If the whole relationship is prolematic, let it end or end it. There's no point going back and forth and in the end, it wouldn't work out anyway.

 

the fact that she says she "doesn't care what you do" basically mean that she is not ready to completely end the relationshiop. if she really wants to end the relationship, she would not ask you if you were coming home, but instead demand that you leave. yes, she is upset with you and i can totally understand why. making another person wait is one of the most inconsiderate thing you can do to another person. on top of that, you didn't bother to let her know that you will be taking longer than you said you would, not to mention she was unable to contact you to inquire why you are taking so long because your phone was on silent. all those little things seem trivial and not deserving for a person to be upset over, yet all those things are merely superficial reasons for why she is upset. the actual and fundamental reason is because of your inconsiderate behavior towards her. if you really love and care about her, like you say you do, then you need to start being more considerate of her wants and needs. you guys have been together for 3 years, so you should have a good idea, by now, of what pleases and displeases her. it's great to applogize to her when you have done something to hurt and disappoint her, but more importantly, you should be more conscious of not hurting and disappointing her in the first place. from the way you described the situation, your girlfriend is probably a little bit on the needy side. there is really nothing wrong with that. many women are a bit needy (and so are some men), and it is ultimately up to you to decide if you want to maintain a long term relationship with this girl and attend to her neediness, or choose to end the relationship and find another girl that is less needy so that you have more freedom to do your own thing.