http://www.astalavista.com/art/test.shtml

 

I got them all wrong.

 

Thank God I passed, but then I already knew the answers

 

The response from a friend of mine:

Ok. This is about the eighth time I have received this questionnaire and I
finally have gotten mad enough to speak up. The answers that they say are
correct are obviously false. I feel it is my duty as a loud-mouthed American
to right what is wrong (and obviously so consequential to our daily lives).
As follows:

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

> The correct answer is Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and
> close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple
> things in an overly complicated way.

Bullshit. The universe makes things complicated. The only way things become
simple is after a great deal of time has been put into ancillary products
and solutions. Then and only then do tasks become simple.

As long as we are playing the wild assumption game (i.e. you own a
refrigerator large enough to hold a whole giraffe) I can assume that my
refrigerator is an automated type and, assuming that I might want to do so,
has already placed the giraffe in the refrigerator. Therefore I have to do
nothing to put a giraffe into a refrigerator.

The Andy correct answer:

Shoot said giraffe, pay exorbitant fee to local tribe and place all useable
pieces into refrigerator.

> 2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

> Wrong Answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the
> refrigerator.
>
> Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in
> the elephant and close the door.
>
> ** This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your
> actions.

Bullshit. Words mean things. Notice that the question says "a refrigerator".
Last time I checked there happened to be more than 1 refrigerator on this
planet. Now if they said "the refrigerator" they might have a point but as
it stands it just makes me mad. Therefore in my email universe there is an
elephant refrigerator and a giraffe refrigerator.

The Andy correct answer:

Shoot said elephant, pay exorbitant fee to local tribe and place all useable
pieces into refrigerator.

> 3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals
> attend except one. Which animal does not attend?

> Correct Answer: The Elephant. The Elephant is in the refrigerator.
>
> ** This tests your memory.
>
> OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly,
> you still have one more chance to show your abilities.

Bullshit. In my email universe there are two animals that are not doing very
well at this time. Neither will be attending anything other than a barbecue.

Secondly, how many animals are going to accept an invitation by someone that
is known to eat them?

The Andy correct answer:
Who the hell cares. Your premise is faulty.

or

Shoot said animals, pay exorbitant fee to local tribe and place all useable
pieces into refrigerator.

> 4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles.
> How do you manage it?

> Correct Answer: You swim across. All the Crocodiles are attending the
> Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your
> mistakes.

Bullshit. It is this sort of thinking that causes people to be hit by
oncoming trains. Nothing is absolute other than nothing being absolute.
Again, when was the last time that you saw any meeting actually have all of
the members that were supposed to be there? (remember the million man march
anyone?) This never happens. You stick your neck out assuming that there are
no animals there to eat you just because some roll call list says that there
are no animals missing and you SHOULD die. "Survival of the fittest" wasn't
far off - actually or morally (but that's another rant).

The Andy correct answer:

Solution 1
Poison the river killing as many living things as possible. Design and build
an armored, tracked vehicle that will traverse the river and destroy any and
all creatures with whom you will come into contact.

Solution 2
Detonate a large thermo-nuclear device such that the river is drained into
another area. Now that the river is dry you can see what is in the river.
Anything that remains in the area will glow and will quite probably be very
sick and slow.

> *** According to Andersen Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the
> professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many
> preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says
> this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have
> the brains of a four year old. Send this out to frustrate all of your
> friends.

I hate consultants. It is just this sort of person that would come up with
such a bullshit test. There are many answers to any question and many of
those answers will work. To simplify all situations down to a small set of
answers does not make you a professional - it makes you a business major and
all of the lack of calculation skills that that "field of study" entails.
There is a world of difference between the two although many companies
currently fail to see this...

Anyway, my blood pressure is down. Breathe in. Breathe out. Good night,
America.

Later,
Andy

 

Wow, I can feel that stress all the way over here

 

Um, I think it's supposed to be a joke.

 

Hehehehe. That's a cool reply. Sorta similar to the one that went around from a guy who hates chain-mails.

 

Mark - loved the responses from Andy - that rocked! Cracked me up more than the test itself - which I too, got all wrong! argh!

 

Elistan: ROTFL! Dude that was a great response. You (or your friend) spent a bit too much time dwelling on and writing that thing though .

 

I'd cross the river full of crocs by taking the elephant out of the fridge and riding it across the river. This seems about as plausble as putting the elephant in the refrigerator in the first place.