While she was "flying" down the road yesterday, woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.

The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?" To which she replied, "I'm late for work. " Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?" I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded. The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide.

" And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked. You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."

 

A visiting minister at the start of the offertory prayer:
"Dear Lord," he began with arms extended and a rapturous
look on his upturned face, "without you we are but dust..."

He would have continued, but at that moment one very
obedient little girl (who was listening carefully) leaned
over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill
little girl voice, "Mommy, what is butt dust?"

Church was pretty much over at that point ...

 

A blonde called her boyfriend and said, "Please come over here and
help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure it out or how
to get it started."

Her boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde said, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle. She let
him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned
to her and said, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to
be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.

He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a
nice cup of hot chocolate and then............", he sighed, .....


"Let's put all these frosted flakes back in the box."

 

dedicated to Popeye...

Old Guys Don't Care:

As we age, we tend to end up seeing more of the medical establishment.

For example, my internist referred me to a female urologist.

I saw her yesterday and she is gorgeous. She's beautiful and unbelievably sexy.

She told me that I have to stop masturbating.

When I asked her why, she said, 'Because I'm trying to examine you...'

 

olde but goodie thread!