#7

(Best if said out loud) Two peanuts were walking down the road

 

Ray, this should not surprise you. He also has his own edition car. I'm tellin you. This guy is very popular.



Let me introduce you to the Darrel Strawberry edition Firebird.

Get it?

 

Dude, I saw a black car like this the other day. Jen said it looked like a big nostril coming down the road. WTF? UUUUUUUUUGLY!

 

GB this joke is immortal!!

I am cleaning coffee off my keyboard.

 

I know. It cracks me up everytime I think about it.

 

A dedicated Teamsters Union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.

When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"

"No," she replied, "I'm sorry, it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?"
"The house gets $80.00 and the girls get $20.00."

Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop.

His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why, yes, sir, this IS a Union House."

The man asked, "And if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?"

"The girls get $80.00 and the house gets $20.00."

"That's more like it!!!" the Teamster said.

He handed the Madam $100.00, looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde. "I'd like her for the night."

"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam. Then pointing to an 85 year-old woman in the corner, "but Ethel over there, has seniority."

 

#10

"The Horth Withperer"

A guy calls his buddy the horse rancher and says he's sending a friend over to look at a Harness racing horse.

His buddy asks, "How will I recognize him?"

That's easy, he's a midget with a speech impediment."

So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.

"A female horth."

So he shows him a prized filly.

"Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth"?

So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.

"Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth"?

So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears.

"Nith earzth, can I see her mouf"?

The rancher is gettin' pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.

"Nice mouf, can I see her twaat"?

Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's vagina, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.

The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing. "Perhapth I should rephrase that; Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit"?

 

A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop.
The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK old fart, time for you to retire."
The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"

The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over."
The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."


The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance old man.
So, just to be fair I will give you a head start."
The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.


The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - He blows the young rooster to bits.
The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Dammit... third gay rooster I bought this month."



Moral of this story .... Don't mess with the OLD FARTS - age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill!

 

GOOD MOTHER IN LAW JOKE


A man, his wife, and mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land.

While they were there the mother-in-law passed away.

The undertaker told them, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.00."

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why?" Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to spend only $150.00?"

The man said, "A man died here 2000 years ago, he was buried here and three days later he rose from the dead.

I just can' t take that chance."

 

A girl came skipping home from school one day.

"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled "we were counting today and all
the other kids could only count to 4, but I counted to 10. See?
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10!

Very good, said her Mother.

Is it because I'm blonde? "Yes, it's because your blonde,"
said the Mommy.

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "
Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, all the
other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See?
A,B,C,D,E,F,G!

"Very Good," said her Mother.

Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy? "Yes it's because your
blonde!"


The following day the girl came skipping home from school.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in Gym class today, and when we
showered all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!"





She lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36C's.

"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.


"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"













"No Honey, it's because you're 24."