My grandpa used to say, if you don't vote you don't have a right to bitch. Now I vote

 

anyway, what the deal with elf poop...

 

Call it up. I promise you will laugh out loud.

I was dying in the office yesterday, and we even had customers in the store when I called it

 

Exactly.

 

Here's joke......it's Friday after all:

AMAZING HOME REMEDIES



1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of
boiling water down your throat and presto, the blockage will be almost
instantly removed.



2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold them while you chop away.



3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply
using the sink.



4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a
few minutes, thus reducing? the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a
timer.



5. A mousetrap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from
rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.



6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be
afraid to cough.



Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:



You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should,
use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.



Remember:



1. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.



2. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.



3. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.



4. And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know
when you might need them to empty your bedpan.

 

Oh man, that is priceless! I laughed, I got my friends to call, it was a blast

 

I told ya

 

At the office charlie the assistant manager just couldn't keep up with the increasing work load and the demanding Boss. He decided that enough is enough and so went to tell the boss that he needed time off to relax. The boss told him "nonsense and that it was all in his head and get back to work." The next day charlie came to work dressed all in white, stood on his desk,and tied a cord from the ceiling to himself. The Boss walks by and sees charlie and asks what's going on. Charlie replys "that he is a lightbulb". The boss looks at charlie and knows that he has lost his mind so sends charlie home. As charlie is walking down the hallway the Boss notices the blonde secretary is leaving also. He asks her what she is doing. She reply's "I can't work here in the dark".