I have been a good boy all year. I've been working long hours at work and spending lots of time at home (at least when I don't have to be at a race). I know with the slow economy you can't produce as many toys as you have in years past. So I'm not going to ask for much.

All I want for Christmas this year is a set of the latest Hoosier autocross tires. Just in case you're confused: that's the A3S04. I need a matched set for a 2003 S2000. Your elves at Tire Rack can help you with regards to sizes. I would also be interested to try out the new Kumho V710, but I hear you are only giving those to Corvette drivers this year. I know everyone is probably asking you for these tires, so if you run out of them, I will still take some A3S03s. You know, the ones you didn't get me last year because you said I wasn't ready for them yet.

Don't worry about mounting the tires. After you didn't give me tires last year, I went and begged a pair of used Victoracers off a friend. I still can get another couple runs out of those, so I'll just mount the new tires after the January race.

Thanks, and this time, please be a little more careful with the entry. We haven't been able to light a fire since you cracked our chimney. Besides, the tree is downstairs by the entrance to the garage, not upstairs in the dining room! Just come in through the garage, will ya?

Merry Christmas!
Tony

 

Dear Tony,

I am sorry, but you are on my "bad boy" list this year so no tires again this year.

Now as to the reason I didn't get you tires last year is they would have been a waste. Tires go to the drivers who can put them to good use.

If you will just use the tires you've got and improve your skills then I will reconsider giving you tires next year.

Now as to you being a good boy all year I think you and I need to buy the same version of Funk & Wagnalls cause your definition and mine don't seem to match. There is that little matter of the small animals that keep disappearing in your neighborhood and those fires. Especially those fires.

Yes it is GOOD that none have gotten out of hand, yet, but it is BAD that you have made those firemen work so hard. Can you see how our definitions might not exactly be agreeing.

Just keep working on your people skills.

I didn't give you a BB gun because I was afraid you'd shoot your eye out (instead you borrowed a friend's and shot your sister's eye out) and I am afraid to give you tires cause you might damage that beautiful car. Keep it clean & waxed as it makes it so much easy to tell how to keep the shiny side up.

One last thing, next year when you sit on my lap please wear Depends, the kids who come after you didn't appreciate it.

Santa

 

Dear Santa,

I am very sorry about the small animals. I have decided to keep the cat indoors from now on. Lord knows, we've become sick of disposing of squirrels, gophers and lizards, but the damn cat just doesn't care. As to the fires, I know it does seem suspicious that on 3 different occasions, a fire started in an area I had recently driven through. I am confident that they were all mere coincidences. I really wasn't pushing it hard enough to cause any fires. I doubt my exhaust ever even got hot enough to start a fire, and even if it did, it never came in contact with any grass.

As to the BB gun incident, I honestly have no clue what you're talking about. However, my sister has a history of lying to get me in trouble. And since I always get this devious grin the moment I am accused of anything, the verdict always came swiftly. Perhaps she's up to her old tricks.

I have worked hard all year to improve my skills and feel strongly that it is time for me to move on. If I must, I will buy tires myself, since it appears you'll go to great lengths to avoid giving them to me.

Tony

P.S. I would wear Depends as you asked, but they just don't make them in my size.