I have a dream, that one day riceboys and we will come together. Since the dawn of VTEC, the imitated was always at ends with the imitator. Which of us can say that we have not directed our anger towards those that wish to attach the holy-grail of our F20c engine to their car by means of a sticker or slogan even though we all now it is not so equipped? Which of us hasn't lashed out with sharp comments and piercing humor to those that want to join the exclusive club that is VTEC? Tonight I made an attempt to extend the DOHC 4cyl olive branch. What follows next is my story:

It is well that Washington Blvd. is the street race capital of Northern Utah. Ony any given night you can see Ferrari's vs Viper's or Airborne Express vs Light Pole. What better place to try and open the lines of communication with the ones we call "riceboys."

I didn't know what to expect. Feelings of peace, anxiety, happiness, and joy shot through my body as I made my way to their inner sanctum. I didn't know how I would be received. I had no stickers, aftermarket exhaust, or any serious knowledge of NOS. How could I communicate with the riceboys without those items. Would they see me as a friend...or a foe. As I made my way down the boulevard I struggled for just that right rap CD that would say "I'm trendy enough to put a toyota sticker on my mitsubishi, yet I still have my own distinct style." My search was abruptly stopped when I found myself stopped at a red light. I didn't know how to react. Admit that rattle of improperly mounted homemade exhausts I found myself struggling for just the right way to let them know I was there. Do I dare rev my engine like them, or would the embarassment of my finely-tuned exhaust over theirs kill any chance of my acceptance. I played it safe, I just smiled. Unbeknownest to me, riceboys only have two reactions to a smile. 1. they think your gay or 2. they think you want to race. How was I to know if it was the latter or the former? My question was answered as the light turned green and I was subjected to symphony oversized mufflers. I soon started to pick up on the ways of the riceboys. The jerking of the car was not them not having a clue how to shift. It was a sign that they wanted to admire your tailights. Everything was starting to make sense (well, except all the neon lights). I was finally starting to understand how the riceboys were communicating.

With knowledge of the riceboys now learned I attempted with great anxiety to reach out to our non-vtec friends. I knew the only way I was to get their full attention was to race their leader. As per prior knowledge I attempted to catch a black nissan knowing full well that the car with the most stickers leads the pack. After a few stoplights of showing off my exotic handling I was side by side with the darkside and I a young Jedi Knight was attempting the impossible. Penetrate the riceboy clan without putting stickers on your car. The light turned red and the stage was set. He revved his engine to acknowledge my presence and I likewise returned the favor. The emotion of the moment must have gotten me because I missed my launch and had to make my move from behind, the rice leader had thought he had an easy win, but alas for him it was not to be. A quick rev and a clutch dump later and I was back in the game. The leader must have seen me coming because he quickly switched into my lane in an attempt to block my coup. A switch into the far right lane provided me with the shot of daylight I need to take the win. I had done it, I had beat the rice leader....but now what? How did I let them know that I wanted to befriend them, not laugh at them behind their backs to the night-shiftman at the local 7-11. As I was lost in thought I heard a horn honk and quickly looked over to my left. I was greeted by a lone riceboy that wanted to admire my car. He told me to follow him so we could stop and talk. Thinking this may be my way in I obliged but I was also wary of a potential rice trap. Did he really want to talk about my car or was he leading me into an ambush in an attempt to steal my Honda and S2000 badges? With a step of caution in me I followed him down to an empty mall parking lot. He got out and proceeded to walk towards my still running S. It was the moment of truth. Would we be able to put water under the bridge or was it eternal warfare?
What happened next still brings a tear to my eye. He proceeded to spout off the stats of my car, talk to me about the VTEC, admire the gorgeous lines and listen to the tuned exhaust. We got into a discussion about the joys of VTEC when we were interrupted by the rice leader and his posse. I quickly took a defensive stance as I was on his territory and had just committed the ultimate insult by beating him in a race. I was unsure of my survival.....

As he got out of his car I was introduced to a string of words I had never heard before. Greddy, 5-0, ZEX, Dr. Dre. What were these strange things they were speaking of? Not knowing what to say and even If he'd understand me I introduced myself. I had met the rice leader, his apparent name was "Nice Car." Much of my fear was subsided as they approached my car and began to discuss in length the events of the night and who/how everyone was. Where there was 1 riceboy there became 10 and with 10 there became about 25. Suddenly I was surrounded by these people I had so carelessly insulted just hours earlier. We talked a great deal about cars, my cool high-intensity headlights, and what stickers I had coming for my car. As the night was chilly out I was asked to join them at the local Denny's to talk more. Was this it, was I accepted? After a long night of good stories and bad food it was time to leave. As I was walking to my car a lone riceboy came up and said "Hey Matt, come back down here tomorrow night. Let's do this again." That was it, I was accepted. A single tear rolled down the side of my cheek. I was one of them, the olive branch had been taken. sniff.

 

My god, that post was so good it brought tears of laughter to my eyes! Keep us up to date on your integration into the riceboy clan.
Tanq

 

cheer

great post.

 

"The jerking of the car was not them not having a clue how to shift. It was a sign that they wanted to admire your tailights"

That was the funniest thing I have ever read. lol.

You are a great story teller.

AWESOME post!

 

Another winner!

 

Thank you, I must admit. I was pleasently suprised. A lot of the kids I met last night were really cool and were as big of car nuts(some even more...if that's possible) than me. I suggest we all try to extend the branch of VTEC to our slower, more heavily decorated friends On a side note, I saw an absolute travisty of justice today. Now for the ricers to switch badging is one thing but today in the store parking lot I saw the rare Chysler Sebring SL600. It was a downright shame. He had pulled all the chrysler/sebring badges and repleaced them with mercedes-benz and SL600 badges. He even had the V12 badge and the star on the hood (everyone knows the CL and SL classes don't have the hood ornaments, they are integrated into the grill). Crying shame if you ask me. MrBig (his license plate ) if you are reading this you are an embarassment to us all. You rice......wait that's for imports.....you Hamburgler

 

Matt,

You sound a little like Diane Fossey as she infiltrated the Gorillas in the mist!

Although,
- be careful, as I understand, riceboys are like Gorillas - make too many sudden movements or try to run away and they will pounce you like the Randy Quaid quote you used in your VR-4 thread.

Be safe young Jedi. Avoid the temptations of the dark side and leave your car sticker free...

 

You are my Yoda

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Funniest post I ever read!

 

Been there done that. Great story.