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Honda desperately wants your S2000! Saturday!

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Honda desperately wants your S2000! Saturday!

 
Old 04-12-2019, 08:02 AM
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Default Honda desperately wants your S2000! Saturday!

I got something in the mail today (like real mail, on a piece of paper) from a local Honda dealer that made me feel like I was James Veitch getting spam e-mail...

Dear *insert full name*,

I need to notify you of a limited time opportunity that Honda is making to specific Honda S2000 owners on Saturday April 13, 2019.


*Gasp* That's like this weekend! Such short notice!

An offer like this doesn't present itself often.

I know, this is quite exciting! Tell me more!

Right now *insert first name*, the new Honda of your choice may be available with little or no out-of-pocket expense for less than your current Honda S2000. Let me further explain.

Please do! My 17 year old car may now be worth more than a new Honda, of my choice! Can I choose the CTR!

Honda has tasked us with purchasing specific pre-owned Hondas (22 to be exact) and your S2000 qualifies for the program.

Do you mean 22 specific cars, or Honda models? Understanding this detail is pivotal to how special I feel about this offer.

Is it one of 22 specific Hondas on Earth, or in the USA, or even in a single state?

I'm just going to presume that what you are saying is that Shigeru Uehara himself wants to personally own a specific set of 22 Honda S2000s worldwide, identified by VIN, and mine is one of them.

That is super special, and the most likely scenario. (I'm also thinking of a "Gone in 60 Seconds" scenario where Nicolas Cage wants my car, but that is absurdly improbable.)

Not to sound desperate *insert first name*, but I really need to buy back your Honda S2000 and, regardless of condition, will pay you top dollar.

Your desperate need for my #1 of 22 cars does indeed make me feel special, particularly when it is on a first name basis!

But, when you say "regardless of condition", I do not think that means what you think it means, to me.

I'm envisioning an S2000 "X" frame, totally stripped of parts. What exactly would top dollar be for that?

For your 2002 Honda S2000, $14,045

That's sort of average for a functioning car, but certainly a lot for a bare frame!

On Saturday, You May Receive An Additional $5317 More Than The Estimated Trade-In Value For Your S2000!

More money? That's like... $19,362. I think you are expecting more than a frame. That's seems like a pretty good number though, but...

And *insert first name*, due to our need for such a quick transaction, I would like to offer you the new Honda of your choice at our discount - which may be substantially lower than the retail selling price.

Such a quick transaction, unusually quick, exceptionally quick, driven by your need, a need that you admit sounds desperate? I'm suddenly uncomfortable. Something is a little bit off here, like this is a surprise birthday present for Uehara and not something he knows about at all...

Plus I Will Give You Up To $1,000.

Ok! I'm fine now. I just needed another grand. I'm fully onboard with whatever you're planning!

Can the "Honda of my choice" be a CTR? For substantially lower than the retail price, of course.

And *insert your name*, with 0.9% Financing For Up To 60 Months and $0 Down, we have been able to upgrade and reduce payments for other select S2000 owners. *Insert your name*, I want to do the same for you this Saturday.

I am tempted. So much money... Wait... Upgrade and Reduce, like there are S2000 owners still making payments on a car that was discontinued a decade ago? That's pretty weird. I'll need more money to stop thinking about how weird that is...

A Free $10 Target Gift Card, JUST FOR ATTENDING.

I'll take it! ...What is "Target"?

That's Not All, Win $5000 Cash. One invited Honda S2000 owner could win $5000 Cash!

OMG! So there will be other S2000s there, like an exclusive invitation-only mini-meet!

And, of those that show up, one is guaranteed to win an extra $5000?

That will certainly be me, because I am special.

Hold on, let me do some calculations... This money is really adding up!

Temporary shortages like the one we are experiencing don't last.

Calculating... $14,045 + $5317 + $1000 + $10 + $5000...

Did you say "temporary shortages"?

Wait, are you saying a brand new Honda S2000 is being released soon!

I'm just going to assume that you are, since it just feels right in this context, with the birthday party and all.

I urge you to take advantage of this opportunity while you still can.

Still calculating... Too much pressure with your desperate urging, and a new S2000 is big news!

That's maybe $25,372. I'm doing this in my head, not using a calculator or anything.

*Insert your name*, your Honda S2000 will never be worth this much money again!

All the Best,

Some Dude

General Manager

I must admit, Mr. Dude, the case you made for giving up my car for Uehara's surprise birthday party is very compelling.

And it is true that nobody will want a crusty old S2000 when the new one comes out. Just look at what happened with the Supra, NSX...

And "never" makes me imagine an "Into the Badlands" future scenario where a running S2000 would be pretty rare, but could probably only be traded for opium or something, not real money.

The problem is, given a pressure free moment of reflection, I have no concerns about how much my S2000 was worth, is worth, or will be worth to and beyond the collapse of civilization. I just like to drive it (thanks Uehara).

So, please remove "Honda Model S2000" from your automated Honda sales promotion mechanism, now and forever.
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Old 04-12-2019, 04:47 PM
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This post was awesome.
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Old 04-12-2019, 05:57 PM
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I love it, LMAO

I was getting similar notices for my 2016 Honda Civic, but without an exact dollar value. They refer you to an on-line value calculator for your vehicle, then when you go in to talk to the sales rep at the dealership they lowball the crap out of your trade-in, so much for them being in desperate need, and so much for their on-line value calculator. Nothing but a waste of time for anyone that would be somewhat interested in trading in their Honda. Oh yeah I forgot to mention that Subaru offered me quite a bit more money than my Honda dealer did, and Subaru was not desperate for Honda trades.
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Old 04-12-2019, 08:01 PM
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That. Was. Awesome.

Lets pause for a moment and consider how much better that post was than every single Curated Content post ever.
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Old 04-13-2019, 03:39 AM
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Hahaha - excellent!
I guess we know where you'll be today!
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Old 04-13-2019, 07:19 AM
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Originally Posted by JasonMG View Post
This post was awesome.
The awesomest.
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Old 04-13-2019, 09:08 AM
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hilarious!!!
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Old 04-13-2019, 11:41 AM
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This post far exceeds any post the Currated Content Editor could ever dream of. You read my mind with your responses. I’ve had similar letters from my local dealer. What a joke!
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Old 04-14-2019, 03:49 PM
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Haha! Thanks for that.
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Old 04-17-2019, 10:28 AM
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Hahahahaha this is awesome.
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