Ok, I'm embarrassed to post this, but I can't get a good oil level reading. I recently bought my S, and this is my first oil level check. I've read the DIY, and owners manual, and I know how to check oil. this should be easy!

Here's my procedure:

get engine to operating temperature.
park on level surface
stop engine
remove dipstick, and wipe clean
let car sit for a few minutes to allow oil to drain into pan
insert dipstick all the way, let it sit for a second
pull out smoothly
look at dipstick

And here are my results:

Side of dipstick which faces passenger side reads NO OIL (well, it's well below the low end at least)
Side of dipstick which faces driver side reads slightly above full

What the heck is going on? I've tried this two days in a row now, with the same results. Any suggestions for something I might be doing wrong?

EDIT: problem diagnosed, title edited. Any opinions? I'll check back in after I'm done flagellating myself for this...

 

The lower side is the correct side.

The way I see it, the high side is getting oil transfer from the dipstick tube. always go with the lower reading.

 

I would wager that you have pretty much no oil in the pan, and as you are pulling the dipstick out of the valve cover you're getting residual oil on one side causing the "above full" reading.

Since it's common to have a discrepancy in readings between each side of the stick, the rule of thumb is to take the lowest reading.

 

btw,. hurry up and fill it - this car + low oil = pwnage.

 

I will.. I'm just surprised it would be that low on oil. I got it with a supposedly fresh oil change from the dealer.

No warning lights when I've driven it.

 

youve been on the forums for a while...but anyway,

1) AP1s burn significantly more oil than AP2s
2) Nubs change oil @ the dealer..dont trust those bastids. the better mechanics do harder jobs.
3) Ive had a mechanic tell me straight up 'you have two readings on the dipstick, idk which one to take..'

seriously, wtf? it makes sense that if oil is as high as it needs to be, both sides will be covered with it - right? since if its immersed in the oil, it willbe level. our dipstick drops almost vertically into the oilpan too so the minor angle difference isnt there eithier.

Check the oil every fillup or when you have time...if you run that engine with as low as you got now, you might do some real good damage to it - by the time the warning comes on, its too late.

 

The oil "warning lights" are not there to tell you when you're low on oil. They light up when you've damaged your engine and have low pressure.

That's what the dipstick is for. Not the oil light. Some cars will tell you when your level is low. This is not one of them.

You can eat up a quart of oil in a 1000 miles of hard driving. Not common, but you can do it if you're really trying.

For the dipstick. Think of it this way. There are a bunch of ways to get the level to read high on one side. There's only one way to get it to read low.

Fill your oil. Just also take note that even filling up with one quart will raise the number of xx's on the dipstick significantly. Go slow and keep checking as you fill up before you have a good idea of how much to use. Overfilling can cause foamy oil and its own set of problems.

 

Ok, I'm a moron...

Oil has been topped off. I was 1 1/2 quarts low... #$%*#$ me. I can't believe I neglected to check it sooner.

Yes I've been on the boards a while, but I've only owned my car for a couple weeks. I'm still green...

Do I need to get my car looked at by a mechanic? It's been running fine.

 

You've been on the boards, but missed the "check your oil often" posts?! Here are a few more pearls. Careful of VTEC in the rain and replace your tires before they're bald.

If you were running a lot at redline, you could have caused some premature wear. It's probably fine, though. You may have shortened your engine life a few thousand miles, but nothing that a mechanic can do anything about at this time.

 

Yeah yeah yeah... It was stupid of me to forget about the oil. I know. I can't believe I forgot about it for so long. No need to rub it in. I'm already on the verge of throwing myself out the window for this...

Ok.. I'll just try to let it go then..