Hey guys I had an assignment in my creative feature writing class to free write a short article on something that I feel strongly about. I chose the s2000 as my topic and I just thought I'd share. I'm am interested in a career in journalism and I have a love for the automobile. I need to find my niche!!! I'm open to all comments/ciriticism/flaming by the way.

ENJOI




The Automobile........ It comes in so many forms, but some are just different than others. Some cars are just a clear example of what is truly desired and lusted after by driving enthusiasts worldwide, a real driver's car. These machines give off an almost supernatural aura that screams "Drive me!" The Honda s2000 is one of these cars. The instant one seats himself inside the snug "fits-you-like-a-glove" cockpit, this sensation is vehement. All the controls just fall into exactly the right place. In reality, a true driver's car doesn

 

Nice write

It makes me want to sit in that damned thing and I can see and feel myself wanting to drive it when reading...

Gonna check it right now, where is my black beast, I feel the urge, thanks to your story?

 

[QUOTE=KWgpws2k,Jan 7 2006, 11:35 AM] From the driver's seat, scanning the road for the next curve out over that low downward sweeping hood, you carve the bends with precision. The tach climbing furiously to its peak, tearing through the 6 speed gearbox. At redline, the song coming from under the hood is literally where you can see, hear, and feel the soul of the s2000. Its ravenous nature for spirited driving is exposed here, at 9000 rpm

 

Thoughts from a person that's gotten his paycheck from writing -- though not journalistic writing:

Your voice is good. The delivery is a bit too staccato for my tastes, but in journalism short pithy sentences are the norm, so you're on the right track. You tended to get a bit more lengthy with your sentences toward the end, though. But this is a creative writing assignment, so no biggie...

Oh, and consider splitting it up into paragraphs. Sometimes a little whitespace can make a big difference. For example:

[QUOTE]
The Automobile... It comes in so many forms, but some are just different than others.

Some cars are just a clear example of what is truly desired and lusted after by driving enthusiasts worldwide, a real driver's car. These machines give off an almost supernatural aura that screams "Drive me!"

The Honda s2000 is one of these cars. The instant one seats himself inside the snug "fits-you-like-a-glove" cockpit, this sensation is vehement. All the controls just fall into exactly the right place.

In reality, a true driver's car doesn

 

I haven't driven my car in over 2 weeks. That killed me

 

I like your writing, very evocative.

Since you ask, here's my edit (Deleted one sentence and split it into 2 paragraphs, 1 intro and 1 driving experience):


The Automobile........ It comes in so many forms, but some are just different than others. Some cars are just a clear example of what is truly desired and lusted after by driving enthusiasts worldwide, a real driver's car. These machines give off an almost supernatural aura that screams "Drive me!" The Honda s2000 is one of these cars.

The instant one seats himself inside the snug "fits-you-like-a-glove" cockpit, this sensation is vehement. All the controls just fall into exactly the right place. The precision of the gear box and the chassis' marvelous responsiveness to driver inputs invites the urge to drive, and drive hard. From the driver's seat, scanning the road for the next curve out over that low downward sweeping hood, you carve the bends with precision. The tach climbing furiously to its peak, tearing through the 6 speed gearbox. The song coming from under the hood is literally where you can see, hear, and feel the soul of the s2000. Its ravenous nature for spirited driving is exposed here, at 9000 rpm

 

Well, it looks as if criticism isn't lacking. I PM'd mine. Hang in there. HPH

 

Thanks for all the replies/help