I am faced with a housing dilemma and would like to hear from the Vint crowd on this subject as I suspect many of you have faced this question or soon will. Here is the situation:

We currently have 2 residences. One is a 4,000sf home in northeast Ohio, the other a 1,440sf cluster home condo in North Myrtle Beach South Carolina. "We" is defined as me, +1, new baby, and soon to be 18yo son who I have 50% custody of with my ex. He will be graduating high school this year and will have 1 more year of vocational training (1/2 day) next year. We are thinking of downsizing the Ohio house to a detached cluster home in a "planned community" (i.e. pools, tennis, trails, etc). Here are my thoughts on the subject. They are a little contradictory and scattered which is why I am looking for the wisdom of the Vint crowd.

Emotional: This house presents my dream house. I worked hard to get it. The floor plan is exactly what I want. It took me 4 tries (meaning I built 4 times) to get it right. It represents success to me. As I've gotten older I realize that success is many things, and a big house is not one of them. Nevertheless, I haven't gone through this emotional growth transition completely just yet and still hold on to some of that belief. Even though the house is large, I wouldn't say there is a lot of unused space. I wouldn't mind one less bedroom, no loft, no formal dining room, and we probably don't need the finished basement (home theatre, pool table room). Other than that, we use everything.

When I got divorced 2 years ago I was adamant about keeping this house so that I could provide some continuity to my son (and even my older son who does not live with me). I felt he had enough change/disruption in his life with the divorce and the house could at least provide some continuity and comfort. It was his home. Same guys in the neighborhood, same bike trails, etc. When he's finished with school I'm sure he'll want his own apartment so the continuity purpose is coming to an end.

Another emotional element is that my wife is currently living in "the ex wife's house". So there is a discomfort factor there. She has been a trooper about this and says she's ok with it, but I know it bothers her at times.

Every time I have moved it has always been a step up. Bigger and badder. This would be the first time I would be "stepping down" in size and cost. It's somewhat of an emotional hurdle.

Financial/Practical: Obviously a house this size is not cheap to maintain. Utilities are pretty high, taxes are nuts, etc. However, if we did downsize, it would be to a detached cluster home and although it would cost considerably less than this place, they are not cheap. This seems to be the wave of the future for the baby boomers so there are some pretty outrageously expensive and laid out cluster homes. This is NOT a financial decision so that should not really be a factor in your comments. It would be nice to take the equity in this house and buy the other place cash, however, that is not the primary purpose of this potential move.
Bottom line: We can continue to afford this place.

We have been stepping up our trips to South Carolina and as such, need to "put this house to bed" for 4-6 weeks at a time. It's kind of a PIA.

We have looked at a few new places and I find myself getting somewhat excited about the prospect. But I'm worried. It would be an entirely different lifestyle. The people on both sides are CLOSE. Would there be enough kids for Abby to play with as she grows? The yard is...well...small. 2 car garage instead of 3.

Vints, I call out to you one and all. Weigh in on the subject with your thoughts please. I'm especially interested in hearing from those of you who struggled with this and made the move/or didn't. P.S. Moving to South Carolina is not an option at this time. My boys are still here in Ohio and my grandson is here. I want to continue to see them all.

 

Being from the Gulf coast, you have to take into consideration the "Hurricane" factor. From what i have read and heard it supposed to be more active on the East coast in the next few years. As far as the other factors imho its something you and your plus one will have to decide. Although North Carolina is a very nice place to live.

 

I've no experience with this, but I'd say your stay reasons are out-weighing your move reasons, at this point. The one thing I would also think about is how well you like your neighbors where you're at. If your happy with them now, realize that you could move into what seems a perfect neighborhood, and then find out that your new neighbors, who are closer, are a PIA. For example, when our next door neighbors sold their house we were happy to see them go because their horses created a stink and flies. Only thing is the new neighbor who moved in is letting the outside go and letting trash blow around, as he remodels his kitchen. Neighbors are important too.

 

I was struck by your ambivalence --


[QUOTE=OhioRacer]This house presents my dream house. I worked hard to get it. ...

 

Carmen, your considerations are similar to what mine were when I relocated to this condo nine years ago, although I didn't have the child factor to consider. I was in a gorgeous home with my ex on a lake. But I ultimately decided to separate and moved out. I knew I wanted to be in a certain location (where I am now) for convenience to my work (via subway), but it was an adjustment at first moving into a condo versus the houses I had lived in when I was married. It didn't take long, though, for me to really begin to love it here, and now I can't imagine living anywhere else. I love it now as much or more as I did when I moved in. And I'm getting ready to buy a bigger unit which will *really* be my dream place. I like the idea of being able to walk out the door and lock it and not worry. Simplifying my life was the best thing I ever did. Now I walk places and only drive for fun.

Although downsizing/simplifying is a big factor in your decision, to me the bigger factor is moving to a place that is yours and Suzanne's, not yours and the ex's. I think Abby will adapt no matter where you are. And she's young enough so the move won't be a factor for her. I think you are mostly ready for this change, or you wouldn't be posting about it. I say trust your instincts and go for it!! Be sure to let us know what you decide.

 

Carmen, your house is beautiful and you've always seemed to enjoy your lawn, your great neighbors, etc. and it would be a nice place for Abbey to grow up. I'm sure your neighborhood will have lots of kids for her to play with, etc. I also understand +1's feelings too. If you and she enjoy the home and are happy there, then perhaps you'll just want to redecorate to make the home more hers if that's something she'd like to do. If its difficult to maintain and you'd like to rid yourself of extra lawn maintenance, etc., then downsize. Sometimes I'd love to get rid of all the work involved with the lawn, etc., but I think we'd probably simply buy ourselves a five car garage and build a nice apartment over it. Then perhaps we'd be happy. We've looked at loads of planned community type places, villas, condos, etc., but it is very difficult to find one with enough garage space. We only have a 2-car now and wish we had at least a four. We also enjoy the space and privacy we enjoy here, so we'll probably stay where we are.

 

Please accept this is an observation, not a criticism. It seems to me that the two of you need to work/talk through this before you lend any credence to what any of us may have to say.

Best wishes.

 

May I ditto the previous comment. Val made some good suggestions also. Talk it out thoroughly to be sure there won't be any regrets.
We downsized to a spacious/2 garage condo(2200 sqft + finished basement). We got rid of a lot of stuff before we arrived, and we have steadily filled it up all over again. My biggest problem is garage space. The neighborhood is also friendly enough, but the average age is too old for our active lifestyle. The biggest pluses are the location and the fact that we lock the door and leave - frequently and for extended periods. We always have a set of plans that we mull over, but we would not go back into a big house.
Best of luck with your decision. I sense "some issue" will sway your decision one way or the other. Take your time.

 

[QUOTE=RC - Ryder,Dec 26 2005, 12:54 PM]May I ditto the previous comment.

 

Carm,

I'm with Patty, I don't have much experience with this. In our case, we already live in a small home, on a small lot, and can easily live here when we are older, with possibly just some help with snow removal, etc.

When we bought this house, a neighborhood feel was important. I wanted somewhere where our son could play outside and ride his bike with neighborhood kids. Does this cluster housing (never heard the term) have children living there, or mostly couples without children? If there are not too many children, you will spend your time carting little people around so Abby can have playmates.

Your house should be something you are comfortable with. Down the line your trips to SC may be less frequent as Abby will be in school. You'll be spending more time in Ohio then, so that may be something to consider as well.

I'm with Val. If Suzanne is not totally comfortable, some re-decorating may be in order so your home reflects her taste as well.

While you may not use all the space your house has, it does sound like you have more reasons to stay there than move on at this time.