Emil St-Hilaire

Matt,I really liked the Reid and Pelosis's Labrador retreiver...

Matt_in_VA

The Polite Way to Pee
During one of her classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'

Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'

The teacher responded by saying:
'That would be a bit rude and impolite�

What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'

Sherman said:
'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom.
I'll be right back.'

'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the
word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you, Johnny, can you act like a good little boy for once and show us your good manners?'

Johnny said:
'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a few
moments? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you shortly after dinner.'

The teacher fainted.

Matt_in_VA

A distraught senior citizen Phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know,
"that the medication
you prescribed has to be taken
for the rest of my life?"
"'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence
before the senior lady replied,
"I'm wondering, then,
just how serious is my condition
because this prescription is marked:







'NO REFILLS'."

Matt_in_VA

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. "Yes, Dad, what is it?"

"Don't be nervous, son; do your best, and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come










and live with you and your wife...."

Matt_in_VA

Not so much a joke, but rather a word of wisdom that most of us can relate too.


The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Matt_in_VA

Some people
try to turn back their odometers.
Not me!
I want people to know why
I look this way.
I've traveled a long way...........




and some of the roads weren't paved.

Matt_in_VA

First you forget names,
then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper...
it's worse when
you forget to pull it down.

Matt_in_VA

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth,








think of Algebra.

Lovetodrive2000

A week after their marriage, the Redneck newlyweds paid a visit to their doctor...

"I can't figure it out doc, and I'm really worried," said the husband.

"My testicles are turning blue."

"That's pretty unusual," said the doctor. "Let me examine you."

The doctor takes a look. Sure enough, the Redneck's testicles are blue.

The doctor turns to the wife. "Are you using the diaphragm that I prescribed?"

"Yes, I am," she replied.

"And what kind of jelly are you using with it?"

"Grape"

Lovetodrive2000

A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom
was 95 years old and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty feeble and the
feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy,
vivacious young woman.

But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly,
step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life.

She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel.
The clerk looked really concerned, "Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you've
been wrestling an alligator!"

The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak, "Ohhh God!
he told me he'd been saving up for 75 years, and I thought he meant his money!!"