Have fun

[Opening shot: slow pan of a bordello]
[Soundtrack: upbeat plink plonk music...]
[Roll title credits...]

S2K $$$$$$(XXXXX)

starring
Deiger................ as "Willy" (the gardener)
Arcadance............. as "Hank" (the barman)
KeithD................ as "Nikki" (the milk maid)
Lurker................ as "Dorothy" (the girl from next door)

written and directed by Rateds2k

Scene 1
[a bordello - cut to close-up of Nikki, who is wearing a three-piece suit with Wonderbra. Daybreak.]
Nikki: Well hello
Willy: Hello
Willy: Bond. James Bond.
Nikki: Gorgeous
[zoom camera, of Nikki's large jugs]
[soft focus shot of Willy's backside]
Willy: I'm sorry I'm an artist with a large Arts Council grant and it's my job to stare at beautiful women.
Nikki: What a nice sunny day
Willy: What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?
Nikki: I should slip into something more comfortable
[soft focus shot of Willy's arse]
Willy: You are the reason blokes fall in love.
Nikki: What time do yez have to be back in heaven?
[Nikki takes off her a three-piece suit with Wonderbra while Willy is now wearing socks]
Nikki: yes
Willy: left a bit
Nikki: yum!
Willy: that's it
Nikki: mmm
Willy: that's it
Nikki: I've got an itch honey. Lower. Lower. Ahhh.
Willy: mmmmmm
Nikki: slurp
Willy: ug
Nikki: ah
Willy: bite me
Nikki: ug
Willy: yum
Nikki: left a bit
Willy: yes
Nikki: yes, there
Willy: ow!
Nikki: ah
Willy: mmm
Nikki: oooooooooooh
Willy: ug
[fade out]

Scene 2
[an upmarket hotel in the country - cut to tight close-up of Dorothy, who is wearing a thong. A knock on the door.]
Dorothy: Hi
Hank: Well hello
[slow pan of Hank's ample chest]
Hank: I like every muscle in your body, especially mine.
Dorothy: Wanna shag like bunnies?
[zoom camera, of Dorothy's erect nipples]
[medium shot of Hank's supple body]
Hank: You look like a slapper I knew in Limerick.
Dorothy: Your face or MINE!?
[soft focus shot of Dorothy's backside]
Hank: Put you lippers on my zipper.
Dorothy: I'd like to name a multiple orgasm after you.
[long shot of Dorothy's blond hair]
[long shot of Hank's biceps]
Hank: Are you a screamer or a moaner?
Dorothy: I know a great way to burn off the 300 calories in that Danish you just ate.... I've a better idea - let's do it in the shower...
[long shot of Dorothy's ample bosom]
[long shot of Hank's ample chest]
Hank: My middle name is Richard, but my friends call me dick. Wanna know why?
Dorothy: Don't you know me from somewhere?
[Plenty of XXXXX action with barmbrack]

Scene 3
[the living room - cut to soft focus shot of Nikki, who is wearing a James Bond style white tuxedo. The midnight hour.]
Nikki: Hello
Dorothy: Hiya
Dorothy: I'm Dorothy
Nikki: I'm Nikki
[SFX: Cue simmering French soundtrack...]
[A shagfest ensues]
Nikki: ug
Dorothy: yes
Nikki: oink oink
Dorothy: **** me
Nikki: bite me
Dorothy: up a bit
Nikki: oink
Dorothy: I've a dead leg
Nikki: oink
Dorothy: right a bit
Nikki: I've a dead leg
Dorothy: ah
Nikki: (grunt)
Dorothy: [suck]
Nikki: I've got an itch honey. Lower. Lower. Ahhh.
Dorothy: yes, there, right there
[medium shot of Nikki's blond hair]
Nikki: right a bit
Dorothy: ug
[close-up of Nikki's jugs]
Nikki: yes
Dorothy: oink oink
Nikki: mmmmmm
Dorothy: ooooooh
Nikki: yum!
Dorothy: up a bit
Nikki: [lick]
Dorothy: woooo
Nikki: right a bit
Dorothy: oink oink
Nikki: grrr
Dorothy: that's the spot
[tight close-up of Nikki's lovely legs]
Nikki: that's it
Dorothy: aaaaaahhhhh!
Nikki: grrr
Dorothy: oh
Both: Yessssssssssssssss!!!!
[Lots of shagging follows, with lashings of Johnson's baby oil]

Scene 4:
[the garden shed - more XXXXX action involving Nikki, Dorothy and Willy involving Johnson's baby oil and porridge]

Scene 5:
[the garden shed - yet more XXXXX action involving Nikki, Willy, Hank and Dorothy, using rubber and champagne]

Closing credits... THE END

 

Now that has got to win an Academy Award for such fine acting!

 

Keith is wearing a 3-piece suit and a Wonderbra? <tsk tsk>