Its always gotta be me.

This weekend is the collingwood Elvis festival, I should have known better right there.

I'm smoking some ribs today, just a test batch with a new rub I've made. Anyhooo

I needed some thyme to infuse into some olive oil, so I went to Loblaws in Collingwood knowing they'd have some. I shop, come out carrying my bag'o'flavor and what do I see?. I see a jump suit laden bag of shit doing an icy hot stuntaz maneuver on my bumper of the S.

I walk over and say "Hey what are you doing, get off my car"

Elvi responds with "Hang on a second partner, I'm taking a picture"

Me "I don't care, get off my car"

Elvi - "Just gimme 2 mins" as he's sitting on the ing bumper, I'm internalizing my rage as best I can.

Me: Look, you likely can't afford the repair of the car if you it up..get off

Elvi: What is your problem

At this point I'm gonna grab him by his ing blue suede shoes and force feed him pills on the shitter

Me: Look this is the last time I'm asking you to get off my car, you scratch it and you won't be able to afford hair gel for a ing year.

Enraged Elvi - WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!! I'm JUST TAKING A PICTURE!!

Me: WHO THE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? You WALKING ING JOKE, only in Collingwood and Vegas are you taken serious you waste of ing skin.

Elvi From Hell: (Now fully in my face) Look asshole I'm gonna hit you if you don't appologize

Me: Dude do you have any idea how old man stink and hair gel is on a hot day? Back off me or you're gonna visit the king. I'm not taking this guy seriously at all, he's no threat at all and certainly isn't gonna hit me in a parking lot full of people. About as much as I'm gonna hit him anyhow hehe

Finally his picture taking person pulls him back, like the ing king is gonna have a fit and die over this heh, I say WHAT is your name, I'm sick of you losers taking over the town and thinking you can get away with anything you want.

This is where it gets funny

His picture taking woman (Marta is bigger) hides her badge and Elvi responds "I'M ELVIS BABY"

I crack up, because there is no way this is real at this point and get into the car.

The funniest part of this altercation is he's really into himself and his character...which basically makes him insane. And its hard to argue with the crazies heh.

Figures the human version of darkknights had to be this weekend.

 

Buahahaha...

 

Back off me or you're gonna visit the king

 

 

It could only happen to you!!!!!!!!!!

 

bone-smoker

 

jar of piss time

 

Sounds to me like you were in a great mood!

Seeing Elvis sitting on your car anyother day would send you into a tailspin.

 

hilarious story...long live the king! heheheheheh you should have smoked him!

 

Sometimes I'm not at my best I gotta say, cause I was thinking of some of the best comebacks as I was driving away.

Gail wanted me to go back and find him tonight to heh