#16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

#14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

#11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K ., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey crap."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven"

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"

#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

#2 "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't, please sign here.....

 

Yuck! My favorite quote is when I get pulled over these days and tell them I have a CHL, it's on me, and loaded with one in the chamber. They aren't officers anymore, I prefer the term "revenue generator"

 

Prosecutor: When the defendant opened the car door, was she obviously drunk?
Police Officer: Yes
Defense: Objection, calls for speculation.
Court: Sustained
Prosecutor: Ok, I'll rephrase your honor. Officer, when you executed the traffic stop on the defendant, were the lights flashing on your squad car?
Police Officer: Yes
Prosecutor: When the defendant opened her car door and exited the vehicle, did she say anything to you?
Police Officer: Yes.
Prosecutor: What did she say?
Police Officer: She asked, "What disco is this?"
Prosecutor: No more questions for this witness.
Defense: uh, no questions.

 

I've seen the first list before (coulda swore Phantom had posted it before??) but that was f'in funny!

 

Phantom, have you ever considered your troubles with the law have stemmed from your general attitude for the police? Not trying to be rude or anything, but it seems like you've always got something negative to say about law enforcement. Most cops aren't dicks.

 

WTF dude? I posted this because it was funny, not because I have a problem with pigs...

But since you confused my original posting with my opinion, I'll give you my opinion so it's on the record....

I find pigs completely worthless... They're always there to catch the TRUE CRIMINALS like someone who's inspection is out, and never putting forth the proper effort to catch a-holes like the guy that stole your car and torched it, or the a-hole that hit my car and took off.

Tx_Phantom

 

Amen!

 

It's all about "easy wins" and "revenue generation". All they have to do is sit in one place on the roadside and they can easily catch 10-25 people that drive by who are either speeding, or driving with an expired license/registration, or driving with no front plate. But it takes some actual effort to investigate a crime and track down the guys that stripped my car of $3K worth of electronics or the group of punks that assaulted me at the train station.

So, which do you think they'd rather do? Protect & serve? Or loaf & profit?

 

I know, I agree with ya Marcus. They are the city's sales force.

All I wanted to do was post something funny, then it becomes a conversation about my personal views on law enforcement.

 

Phantom's just mad because the last time he ran out of man-diapers and had a "situation", no cops stopped to help him.