hmmmm.... let's see.


Lisa's a bitch.


that sums it up.

Hey, I got one. This is the one I was going to write up earlier.

It's about drugs.

My personal experience with drugs is... somewhat extensive. I have to be honest. I tried a lot of stuff in school. But I got out of school and got a job, and all of that ended. I went through a horrible ending to an otherwise good relationship, was depressed, stopped all drugs, didn't even drink for a year, this is about ten years ago. So I basically will go out and have drinks with friends and that's about the extent of it.

Enter: Lisa

I meet Lisa and she is sweet. Kind. Honest. All the good things you want in a girl right? She smokes pot occassionally, but I'm okay with that, a lot of people do. I didn't at the time, I just didn't need it. To each their own.

Her 30th birthday.

One of her friends, who is a drug dealer, or was, not sure if he is now (this should be a warning sign for me by the way ) gives her extacy for her birthday. okay. She's never done it. I've done acid and shrooms but not this. I haven't done *any* drug in years at this point. But, I'm in love, I figure it's her birthday, why not, let's have fun. And it was a good time.

At this point, and throughout the next year extacy becomes something that she wants to do more and more. I'm not crazy about it, but its okay, we have a lot of friends and are always entertaining people at the apartment... whatever.

Around the time we get married, it was a thursday, I get finished at work and come home early. She works from home and has a lot of free time on her hands (bad news). It's 3 o'clock in the afternoon and I come up the sidewalk and she greets me. (She didn't know I was coming home) I'm happy to see her.... and then... I notice her eyes are strange, glazed, dilated. I ask her what she's on. She sheepishly replies that she's taking X. I tell her to go to her friends house and I'm going inside. I'll talk to her later.

Let's recap for those that are slow. A 33 year old who is getting married, wants children (yikes) is taking extacy at 3 pm on a thursday afternoon.

I ask her why.

"I was bored"



fast forward to Thanksgiving. This is a wonderful holiday, and actually my favorite holiday. Not as smarmy as xmas and it's all about chillin out, seeing your family and feasting with them. It's a day of excess with those you love the most. We spent the day, I think at her mothers house and it was great. The whole day was filled with all the things I love about thanksgiving.

Later that night...

So we leave and go back to her fathers house, and it's late, we're stuffed with food, we've had some drinks... Honestly, when we get time away from regular life like this I become all about her. I'm looking for some romance.

But romance isn't going to happen that night. Becuase Lisa doesn't want to be with her husband. She wants to spend time with her father.... SNORTING COCAINE.

this is where you shake your head and go "wicky wicky wicky..."

Two years later, we split up, and come to find out during the time of our split she was snorting Kettamine. EVERYDAY.

That's a cat tranquilizer for those of you who aren't into being cool and having fun.

At this point I'd like to say I don't hate drugs outright. I've done them. I've done all these drugs I'm talking about here. I've done them occassionally, and only with Lisa. What I didn't realize at the time, was I was compromising myself. I was doing drugs, not because I sought them out, but because she *always had drugs and was always using them* I was getting sucked into heavy drug use because of the girl I loved.

At this point we are four years in, so it's happened slowly over time.

Insidious I believe is a good word for how this drug issue crept into our lives.

I'd like to point out that when I met her she smoked cigarettes. I smoked off and on, but quit. I wanted her to quit because we are going to have babies. I don't want my babies mother to be smoking around the child.

So if I don't want the mother of my children to be a smoker.... that probably means drugs aren't on the agenda either....

hold on....



She did eventually quit cigarettes.... except in social circumstances.

So, at some point before we get back together, she comes clean about her drug use, and admits to how much she was using.



A breakthrough?

No.

I thought it was, but.... here I am in the same boat.

The last story point I'm going to add for now is like the Thanksgiving story, except it happened this past year and highlights just how badly I have compromised myself and how I've lost respect for what I will and won't stand for. But honestly, I was holding out hope that the drug use would stop and we would start out life.... one more

About this time last year I think, we went to a birthday party at a bar in downtown San Diego with a friend of hers. She didn't know many people there and I knew only her, but we had some drinks and got on fine with other people, and we spent a lot of time together talking. I had a lot of fun with her, it was nice to be out sociallizing, but spending most of the time with my beloved wife.

So late into the night, we grab a cab and head home. At this point we are still living seperate and I'm only in town for two days. I'm in town for ONE REASON: to see the wife that I love and spend time with HER. So we're going home and I have one thing on my mind. Romance. I want to hold her, love her, fall asleep with her in my arms....

We get home and....

She pulls out a vial of coke.

*sigh*

I ended up snorting coke myself and playing poker with her. And that was the last time I did coke. And I'll tell you why.

That was saturday, one of two days of my visit. The next day was sunday, we got up late. I felt like shit, not only because I drank alot, but I actually had a coke hangover. I felt terrible in my body, not sick, but depressed and shaky.

I'm thinking to myself, this sucks. This is horrible. WTF am I doing?

But that isn't why I was sad.

I was depressed because I was now going to spend all day in a haze of drug induced depression, wasting a day I should be spending with my wife, and then I'm going back to LA to work all week.

And all I wanted was to go for a walk at the beach and hold her hand. Watch the sunset. Or take her for dinner. Or something sweet.

But she never opened that door to me. She was always wasting our time together with something stupid like drugs, or some other thing that wasn't about us.

in short, I wanted the fairy tale (yeah I'm a sensitive guy, go fock yourself) and she wanted drugs.

So far she's gotten what she wants.

It's been interesting for myself, that I realized the only time I ever did drugs was with her. We were seperated about a year and in that time I did no drugs. She left some pot at my new apartment. I bought a pipe. Smoked a little and decided it wasn't for me. We got back together, and I did coke twice, both time with her. The coke hangover story above is the second and last time. And I haven't done anything since.

She is bad news.

 

By the way.....

That pipe I bought?

She ended up being the one to use it while she was up here visiting me.

When she left me, she STOLE the pipe.



I called her up and asked if she had it because I didn't know where it was and ... well, I like to know where drug paraphanlia is in the house ... you know.... cause it's illegal.

She said she had it.

I laughed and told her to keep it. She needs it more than I do.

Apparently

 

Keep the faith in yourself! Time to start thinking about how much better the future is going to be for yourself with a clear head.


Many who have spent a lifetime in it can tell us less of love than the child that lost a dog yesterday.

~Thornton Wilder

 

*sigh*

 

I still smoke pot wick, I hope you wont hold it against me.

 

I don't. It's not the pot that bothers me.

it's the kettamine, extacy and cocaine that bothers me. It was used too much, and lied about too oftern. Right to my face she lied to me. She ignored me and my needs in favour of her drugs and eventually became abusive. To many around her including me.

I'm not against the drugs per se, but she has an addictive personality and she has let them change her into an uptight critical bitch. And she put me through all of that crap. I should have annulled the marriage and left.

It's just not a lifestyle for me anymore, and when the person you love would rather give you up instead of give up snorting cat tranquilizer... well it hurts.

She has said as much to me in the past, that she likes to 'party' and that wouldn't change. In the past year. Not in those words, but that was the point. Again, a warning sign that I missed.

Here's another:

 

Jesus Harry Christ that was a big post....

 

Christ's middle name was Harry?

 

I guess if I didnt smoke pot all through Jew school I might have picked that up

 

Harrison actually