To the woman that's "serious:" No, seriously, you're making a spectacle of yourself. Dating is supposed to be fun, and you're ruining it for all of us.

 

To the woman that's "had her fun, and now wants something 'more:" So, you're tired of kinky sex AND your credit score is below 680? No wonder you're posting an ad; go to talk to the girl that's looking for 'a nice, down-to-earth guy,' I'm sure you two have a lot in common.

 

To the woman that's "tired of nerds:" MOVE THE F OUT OF SILICON VALLEY!!!!

 

To the woman who "loves alternative music:" Dave Matthews Band, Jewel, and Augustana are not alternative. I know, I know, they're white people making music who aren't on the R&B station, but trust me, it's not alternative. You want "Adult Contemporary." It's ok to say, "Adult," really; it's just a label.

 

To the woman who "loves country music." I like Lyle Lovett and Steve Earle. I know that Willie Nelson wrote 'Crazy,' and yes, his version is just as good as Patsy's.

 

To the woman who "loves indie music." Yes, I love the music; no I don't wear vintage clothing or have any piercings.

 

To the woman who "loves classical music." I love Bach and Mozart, both Strausses, and Debussy. I also love Stravinsky, Varese, Zappa, and Reich.

 

To the woman who "loves <insert jam band tools here>:" No. No. No. No. I love Bela Fleck; he finishes the solos he starts.

 

To the woman who "loves jazz:" Listening to the smooth jazz station is likely to make me soil your carpet. Save your carpet, and save me some time. Starbuck's collections do not make you a jazz fan; they make you someone who pays too much for music.

 

To the woman "that loves musicians:" Just state that you love guitarists who look like Dave Grohl, not Hornists who actually know how to read music. It'll save all of us a lot of time and trouble.