Female brain vs. male brain.

Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He
asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time.
A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy
themselves.

They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither
one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to
Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: ''Roger, do
you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for
exactly six months?''

And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a
very loud silence. She thinks to herself:
Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that.
Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he
thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he
doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind
of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space,
so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep
going the way we are, moving steadily towards ... ? I mean, where
are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this
level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children?
Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment?
Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking:...so that means it was...let's see...February
when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at
the dealer's, which means...lemme check the odometer...Whoa! I am
way overdue for an oil change here...

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe
I'm reading this completely wrong.
Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more
commitment; maybe he has sensed --even before I sensed it - that I
was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's
so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of
being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the
transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still
not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold
weather this time.
What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting
like a goddamn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves
$600.

And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be
angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I
can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90- day
warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.

And Elaine is thinking: maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a
knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right
next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a
person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about
me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl
romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty I'll give them
a damn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up
their....

''Roger,'' Elaine says aloud.

''What?'' asks Roger, startled.

''Please don't torture yourself like this,'' she says, her eyes
beginning to brim with tears. ''Maybe I should never have . .Oh God,
I feel so.....'' (She breaks down, sobbing.)

''What?'' says Roger, totally perplexed.

''I'm such a fool,'' Elaine sobs. ''I mean, I know there's no
knight. I really know that. It's silly.
There's no knight, and there's no horse.''

''There's no horse?'' says Roger.

''You think I'm a fool, don't you?'' Elaine says.

''No!'' says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

''It's just that...It's that I...I need some time,''
Elaine says.

(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can,
tries to come up with a safe response.
Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might
work.) ''Yes,'' he says.

(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) ''Oh, Roger, do you really
feel that way?'' she says.

''What way?'' says Roger.

''That way about time,'' says Elaine.

''Oh,'' says Roger. Still hoping he's on the right track he
responds, "Yes.''

(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing
him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially
if it involves a horse.
At last she speaks.)

''Thank you, Roger,'' Elaine says.

''Thank you,'' says Roger.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted,
tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to
his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and
immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match
between two Czechoslovakians he never

heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him
that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is
pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he
figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also
Roger's policy regarding world hunger.)

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of
them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight
hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said
and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring
every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning,
considering every possible ramification. They will continue to
discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never
reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with
it,either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual
friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown,
and ask: "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"


Contestant - "Uh, Alex, I'll take men's brains for $5000 please."

Jeopardy Host - "Very good. Under the category of men's brains for $5000, the question is - What is worth every penny, has had no manufacture recalls, and can multi-task while pretending to listen to emotional nonsense?