"According to rumors, Ted Kennedy may have had a child out of wedlock. Well, who hasn't? But you know, something like this could damage Kennedy's image with women." --David Letterman

 

"Tabloids are reporting that Sen. Ted Kennedy has an illegitimate 21 year-old son. Apparently, Kennedy isn't denying the report, but the kid is." --Conan O'Brien

 

"Ted Kennedy got pretty contentious. After he pointed out that Samuel Alito once belonged to a club that didn

 

"The Supreme Court confirmation hearings got pretty heated yesterday. Ted Kennedy questioned Judge Alito's integrity when Alito was at Princeton. As you may know, Kennedy was kicked out of Harvard for cheating. So when it comes to questionable integrity at college he knows what he is talking about." --Jay Leno

 

"During Judge Alito's hearings, Senator Ted Kennedy accidentally referred to Sam Alito as Ali-oto. Kennedy said 'Forgive me, I'm sober.'" --Conan O'Brien

 

"Sen. Ted Kennedy is writing a children's book with his dog, from the dog's point of view. Sen. Ted Kennedy has a dog named Splash. Is that the best name for Ted Kennedy's dog? Isn't that like that Jack Abramoff guy naming his dog Bribe?" --Jay Leno

 

"Ted Kennedy said even if Hillary Clinton runs for president, he will still support John Kerry for the Democratic nomination in 2008. Ted Kennedy backing John Kerry -- you know what they say, two giant heads are better than one." --Jay Leno

 

How long will it take for our excelto to admit to his or her having been wrong?
Here's a hint: Don't hold your breath.

 

"They say President Bush has started drinking again. Boy, he'll do anything to get Ted Kennedy's support for that Supreme Court nominee." --Jay Leno

 

"Ted Kennedy called for Rumsfeld's resignation. This is interesting. This marks the first time Kennedy has ever come out against anything with rum in it." --Conan O'Brien