Awesome

 

A playa's love poem

Gul I loveded you,
Straight up fo'sho.
Or I wouldna told dem ova girls
not to call me no mo.

I knowed it was true,
the first day I seed you.
Why you thank I do,
the thangs I do?

Remember how I use ta wine and dine you,
Schlits Malt Liquor and Bar-Ba-Que.
I gave you a bubble baze and fed you grapes.
Dey was on sale that week a dolla ninety-eight.

Romanic evenins after dark,
Skreet light walks around the block.
Like the very first time,
you came ova to my crib.
And you got all scared,
cause that roach was on yo Tims.
I was right dare,
with a can of spray.
To be yo Super Negro,
and save the day.

I ain't even pay my light bill,
so I can take you to da club.....
Don't knock ova dem candles
and burn up my rug!

And dat nite we made luv,
for a long liddle bit of time.
I hope you got yours,
cause I sho'nuff got mine.

I woke up early and made you breakfast in bed.
Sep fo I ain't have no juice, no grits, and no eggs.
Didn't have no cereals and was fresh outta milk,
so we had some toas t and some potada chips.

I use to rub lotion on yo feets,
and massage yo back.
I found you some glue,
when you lost one of your tracks.

Now what man you knowed,
ever loveded you like dis.
Gul please just take my name
off dat child support list.

 

haha, wow.......good stuff

 

A black guy, a Mexican guy, and a redneck were having lunch atop a skyscraper when the black guy said, "Fried chicken again? If I have to eat fried chicken for lunch one more time I'm gonna jump". At that the Mexican guy says, "Tacos again? If I have to eat tacos for lunch one more time, I'm gonna jump". The redneck looks into his luchpale and says, "Baloney and cheese again? If I have to eat baloney and cheese for lunch one more time, I'm gonna jump!"

The same three were sitting atop the skyscraper the next day. When the black guy discovered fried chicken in his lunch, he jumped to his death. Then the Mexican guy saw that his lunch was yet again, tacos, and he proceeded to jump. Finally the redneck sees the baloney and cheese sandwhich in his lunch pale and "geronimo!" he jumps and kills himself.

At the funerals, the wives were meeting and discussing the tragedy of their husbands' deaths. The black guy's wife said, "Had I only realized...I would have never given him any more fried chicken", and the Mexican guy's wife immediately responded, "And if I had known this was going to happen, I would have never given him tacos again." Both women looked to the redneck's wife and she said, "Hey, don't look at me, the dumbass packs his own lunch!"

 

Peter I was almost crying from laughing so hard. You know how us playas are fo rizzle. Fairfax County's Most Wanted!

 

A recent study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with a spear lodged in his chest and tape over his mouth while he is on fire. No further studies are expected.

 

 

lol......

 

Little Paul watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground & go into the woods. Curious, Paul followed the car & saw Daddy & Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Paul found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home & started to tell his mother.

"Mommy, I was at the playground & I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look & he was giving Aunt Jane a big Kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane..."

At this point Mommy cut him off & said, "Paul, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Paul to tell his story. Paul started his story, "I was at the playground & I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look & he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane & Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy & Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army.


MORAL: ALWAYS LISTEN to the whole story before you interrupt someone.

 

Jim and Mary were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sunk to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable.
When he went to tell Mary the news he said "Mary, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Mary replied "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.