Joke of the Day
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 17,254
Likes: 75
From: VA
So....... 
There is this grasshopper that walks into a bar and the bartender goes, "Hey we have a drink named after you."
The grasshopper says, "Really. You have a drink named 'Steve'. "
Yeah I know it's retarded. I just wanted to tell a joke to get the
and figured that they was retarded enough. Plus there is an inside joke about it. 
There is this grasshopper that walks into a bar and the bartender goes, "Hey we have a drink named after you."
The grasshopper says, "Really. You have a drink named 'Steve'. "
Yeah I know it's retarded. I just wanted to tell a joke to get the
and figured that they was retarded enough. Plus there is an inside joke about it.
Registered User
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 6,117
Likes: 0
From: Virginia and Baltimore
Once there was a family who was given some venison by a friend. The wife cooked up the deer steaks, and served it to the husband and children.
The husband thought it would be fun to have the children guess what it was that they were eating.
"Is is beef?" The daughter Katie asked.
"Nope."
"Is it pork?" the son Willie asked.
"Nope."
"Heck, we don't know, Dad!" Willie exclaimed.
"I'll give you a clue," the Dad said, "It's what your mom sometimes calls me."
"Spit it out, Willie!" cried Katie, "We're eating Asshole!!"
The husband thought it would be fun to have the children guess what it was that they were eating.
"Is is beef?" The daughter Katie asked.
"Nope."
"Is it pork?" the son Willie asked.
"Nope."
"Heck, we don't know, Dad!" Willie exclaimed.
"I'll give you a clue," the Dad said, "It's what your mom sometimes calls me."
"Spit it out, Willie!" cried Katie, "We're eating Asshole!!"
Former Moderator
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 24,162
Likes: 3
From: Burlington, VT
In the back woods of Kentucky, the redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing."
Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there," said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down...I think there's yet another one to come."
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern. . . It seems there's yet another one in there!" cried the doctor.
The Redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "Do you think it's the light that's attractin' 'em?"
Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing."
Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there," said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down...I think there's yet another one to come."
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern. . . It seems there's yet another one in there!" cried the doctor.
The Redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "Do you think it's the light that's attractin' 'em?"
Registered User
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 6,117
Likes: 0
From: Virginia and Baltimore
- Way to keep healthy level of insanity in the workplace
1. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.
Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially
effective if
your boss is a different gender than you are.)
3. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive."
4. Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.
5. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want
fries with
that.
6. Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."
7. Determine how many cups of coffee are "too many."
8. Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten
over their
caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
9. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
10. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while
talking
to others.
11. When driving colleagues around insist on keeping your car
windshield wipers
running in all weather conditions "to keep 'em tuned up."
12. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think?"
13. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a
Parakeet.
14. Sit in the parking lot at lunchtime pointing a hair dryer at
passing cars to
see if they slow down.
15. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their
answers in
a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
1. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.
Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially
effective if
your boss is a different gender than you are.)
3. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive."
4. Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.
5. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want
fries with
that.
6. Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."
7. Determine how many cups of coffee are "too many."
8. Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten
over their
caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
9. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
10. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while
talking
to others.
11. When driving colleagues around insist on keeping your car
windshield wipers
running in all weather conditions "to keep 'em tuned up."
12. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think?"
13. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a
Parakeet.
14. Sit in the parking lot at lunchtime pointing a hair dryer at
passing cars to
see if they slow down.
15. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their
answers in
a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
Former Moderator
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 24,162
Likes: 3
From: Burlington, VT
The new birds and bees
A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?" The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to do a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button. Nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said: You've Got Male!"
A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?" The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to do a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button. Nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said: You've Got Male!"
Registered User
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 20,875
Likes: 0
From: all up in your grill
Three old guys are sitting around complaining about their health problems. The first guy says he just wishes it wouldn't hurt when he pees. The second guy just wishes he could take a nice big dump once in a while. The third guy says that at 6 o'clock, he takes a nice long pee. Then at 6:30, he takes a nice big dump. The first two guys are getting a little upset at this, until the third guy says that he doesn't wake up until 7.