i know i've posted before about this old friend BUT i had the displeasure of seeing him again this weekend and he looked like death warmed over - he's 41, no job, now lives at home with his parents and must be on some type of drug / booze

he came by Sunday and asked to spend the night while I said ok

 

Wow that is really hard to deal with and so sad to see in someone so young.

Sounds like he badly needs some help... sometimes it takes "tough love" to push someone into seeking it though.

Good luck

 

Bass, if there is any way he'll agree, get him to the hospital or wherever they will take him for some kind of detox.....he's on a dangerous path here.

I know no one will accept help until they admit they are ready, and you can't fix him, but if you try to get him some help, you will have done all you can.

Best of luck, Buddy.

 

 

It sounds like you have a relationship with his parents so giving them a call and just telling them that you're concerned about him and why you're concerned might be a good start. They may not know how bad things have gotten with him. Then perhaps you can work in conjunction with his parents into getting him the help he needs. Who knows what has gone on in the past (sort of where he disappeared) that you don't know about - perhaps they could shed some light on his recent past.

I don't think he'd take kindly with you loading him into your car and dropping him off at a hospital (although it's where he should be). He does need help and I agree with Lainey and Bruce but at this point I doubt he would stay at a detox or hospital for help.

 

Steve, this is typical. He needs someone to support his habit right now and that means a plact to stay where he can drink, etc and not be responsible for anything. Here is what to do. Frankly, anything else does not work.

Step one, tell him he has to leave your house. You are not helping him by letting him crash at your house. You are an enabler.

Step two, tell him you will take him to detox. (Especially if he asks "where will I go if you throw me out?" this is an old ploy to try to get further support and sympathy. Offering to take him to Detox is the right thing to do and exactly what he needs. It also relieves you of the guilt of putting your friend out. It isn't like you threw him out into the cold. You gave him an option.)

Step three, after he is sobered up in detox, see if he will go to re-hab. If he will, I'll put you in touch with Chris who can help you find a place for him.

If he won't do a re-hab, his chances are pretty slim, but he can try going to AA/NA meetings on his own.

If you want to speak with Chris, let me know. He is now very well versed in this subject and is helping a lot of people.

 

Bill, very sage advice. I absolutely agree with every word.

 

Thank you Bill - great advise and i will follow through

 

What Bill and Lainey said.

 

Well if he resists any help (detox, rehab, AA) try an intervention with family and friends to get him into one of those programs. Else just throw him out in the street.