Well I've learned quite a bit about myself after seeing a counselor for an hour a week. Basically if I'm in a social situation (party, class, or just walking by people) my mind freaks out. I don't know how to walk by people without asking myself whether or not I'm behaving correctly (do I look at them? do I look away? do I smile? do I just look forward? wtf?!). Also, the tiniest thing makes me afraid of being in public, like if my hair isn't looking ok or if I'm dressed awkwardly. I don't even go to dining halls if I know its going to be crowded. I am anxiety in motion.


Anyone else?

 

nope. just you. and what's up with your hair?

 

if i dont have my earphones in, i sometimes wonder about stuff like this (though not afraid to be in public)..our dining hall is set up like an exhibition center...you walk in and walk down these ramps where you are visible to everyone in the dining center...you think everyone is looking at you..and they actually are...moderatley disconcerting... until you get your food

 

get yourself some new friends.. xanas, prozac, paxil, zoloft.

 

Yep. Same here.

 

Did the counselor tell you to lay off the pot?

 

what did the counselor recommend as treatment?

 

sounds like a job for booze

 

yes you are insane. Please send all of your money to me for a cure!

 

He said it was my choice, but that he would prefer if I quit. He always asks about dreams and apparently marijuana clouds your mind from remembering them. I've always had a hard time remembering my dreams, save for a handful of nightmares. I'm taking a break now anyway because I want to travel a lot this winter/summer vacation so I need some extra cash.


It's more or less just a fear of judgment. If I feel like my hair isn't up to par with what other people might consider "good looking hair" then I'll freak out and stay in my room. I'm skipping lunch today because I saw huge crowds walking into the dining hall. I probably won't eat until about 8 PM when the crowds usually die down.

It carries over into my private life however. I can't sleep unless I have something covering my entire body from head to toe. Me getting ready for bed is a lot of fun; if I'm downstairs, and the lights are off upstairs, I first make sure all the lights leading to my room are on upstairs. Then I go back down and turn off the lights in sequence as I walk up. Usually as I walk up the stairs I look around for someone/thing. When I turn off the light in my room, I take no more than 1 step and go right into my bed because I'm afraid something under my bed is going to grab my leg. Sometimes I'll put the tv on just so I have light in my room. I never let any part of my body reach over the edge of the bed. Door has to be closed too because I'm terrified of waking up and seeing someone standing in the door. I'm always afraid of blinking because I fear I'm going to see some ghoul or whatever after three blinks. I think I saw a pirate in my room once but I'm not 100%. 'Twas weird.

Counselor hasn't recommended anything, but last Saturday he advised me to seek a psychiatrist for possible medication. He says I might be giving off signs of schizophrenia but I don't know if that's plausible since (to my knowledge) there isn't any medical illness running in my family.