Anxiety!
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From: SF Bay Area
Originally Posted by C U AT 9K,Oct 1 2007, 05:34 PM
He said it was my choice, but that he would prefer if I quit. He always asks about dreams and apparently marijuana clouds your mind from remembering them. I've always had a hard time remembering my dreams, save for a handful of nightmares. I'm taking a break now anyway because I want to travel a lot this winter/summer vacation so I need some extra cash.
It's more or less just a fear of judgment. If I feel like my hair isn't up to par with what other people might consider "good looking hair" then I'll freak out and stay in my room. I'm skipping lunch today because I saw huge crowds walking into the dining hall. I probably won't eat until about 8 PM when the crowds usually die down.
It carries over into my private life however. I can't sleep unless I have something covering my entire body from head to toe. Me getting ready for bed is a lot of fun; if I'm downstairs, and the lights are off upstairs, I first make sure all the lights leading to my room are on upstairs. Then I go back down and turn off the lights in sequence as I walk up. Usually as I walk up the stairs I look around for someone/thing. When I turn off the light in my room, I take no more than 1 step and go right into my bed because I'm afraid something under my bed is going to grab my leg. Sometimes I'll put the tv on just so I have light in my room. I never let any part of my body reach over the edge of the bed. Door has to be closed too because I'm terrified of waking up and seeing someone standing in the door. I'm always afraid of blinking because I fear I'm going to see some ghoul or whatever after three blinks. I think I saw a pirate in my room once but I'm not 100%. 'Twas weird.
Counselor hasn't recommended anything, but last Saturday he advised me to seek a psychiatrist for possible medication. He says I might be giving off signs of schizophrenia but I don't know if that's plausible since (to my knowledge) there isn't any medical illness running in my family.
It's more or less just a fear of judgment. If I feel like my hair isn't up to par with what other people might consider "good looking hair" then I'll freak out and stay in my room. I'm skipping lunch today because I saw huge crowds walking into the dining hall. I probably won't eat until about 8 PM when the crowds usually die down.
It carries over into my private life however. I can't sleep unless I have something covering my entire body from head to toe. Me getting ready for bed is a lot of fun; if I'm downstairs, and the lights are off upstairs, I first make sure all the lights leading to my room are on upstairs. Then I go back down and turn off the lights in sequence as I walk up. Usually as I walk up the stairs I look around for someone/thing. When I turn off the light in my room, I take no more than 1 step and go right into my bed because I'm afraid something under my bed is going to grab my leg. Sometimes I'll put the tv on just so I have light in my room. I never let any part of my body reach over the edge of the bed. Door has to be closed too because I'm terrified of waking up and seeing someone standing in the door. I'm always afraid of blinking because I fear I'm going to see some ghoul or whatever after three blinks. I think I saw a pirate in my room once but I'm not 100%. 'Twas weird.
Counselor hasn't recommended anything, but last Saturday he advised me to seek a psychiatrist for possible medication. He says I might be giving off signs of schizophrenia but I don't know if that's plausible since (to my knowledge) there isn't any medical illness running in my family.
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Originally Posted by vtec9,Oct 1 2007, 12:44 PM
I would have to agree with him.
If I'm offered medication I don't think I'm going to take it. To be honest, I really don't give a damn if I'm homecoming king or just some random kid. I know if I take the meds, my mind won't be racing around all the time, but I'm afraid I'd lose pretty much all of my personality. Don't get me wrong, I have lots of friends, and I think I'm an alright guy to befriend, I just can't seem to control what's going on in my mind. I've come to accept who I am and how my mind works. This is more or less a learning process for me, rather than a diagnosis. The counselor I'm seeing now is a very nice guy (Guy Ferguson is his name, how funny is that
), jolly little fellow with a post-1980 Garcia look.Interestingly enough my brother has anxiety as well, except his is in the form of panicking, which is why he gets better grades than me. Whereas I'm more interested in why my mind is flipping out when I'm in a room alone, he can go out and mingle and have a great time. His downfall is that he panics before tests and will stay up all night studying for fear of failing.
The last time I took a trip I was seeing the scary Asian girl from "The Grudge" everywhere. It was awkward because I kept seeing her face everywhere but I wasn't scared.
That reminds me, Sinji's sig is freaky
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From: Columbus
Originally Posted by C U AT 9K,Oct 1 2007, 02:18 PM
I just can't seem to control what's going on in my mind. I've come to accept who I am and how my mind works.
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Not like that at all. I'm almost never angry. In fact, my counselor pointed out that even when I'm describing some of my worst experiences, I have a huge smile on my face, as if I'm trying to give off the impression that it wasn't all that bad. Smiling Sami since the third grade? I smile so often and so wide that most people think I'm high when I'm not (squinty eyes!).
Like I said, I'm trying to learn more about myself and hearing other people's experiences helps a lot. That's one less person judging me.
Like I said, I'm trying to learn more about myself and hearing other people's experiences helps a lot. That's one less person judging me.
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From: Columbus
I had a friend in college with much the same story. Eventually he was diagnosed with OCD (leaning much more on the obsessive side). He had just a few rituals on the compulsive side but his mind constantly raced with all sorts of scenarios about all sort of things that wouldn't even make a difference in his life. He was a tortured soul but also fun to hang out with.
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From: Connecticut
What you're talking about above isn't anxiety. People with high anxiety aren't afraid to blink for fear of seeing a ghost, and aren't afraid of someone hiding under their bed trying to grab a leg.
The stuff with your hair, and not feeling comfortable in large crowds sounds like social anxiety.. ghost and ghouls, not so much. Schizophrenics are often plagued by illogical patterns of thinking and delusions. Assuming you're over 10 years old, you shouldn't be afraid of someone hiding under the bed man.
The stuff with your hair, and not feeling comfortable in large crowds sounds like social anxiety.. ghost and ghouls, not so much. Schizophrenics are often plagued by illogical patterns of thinking and delusions. Assuming you're over 10 years old, you shouldn't be afraid of someone hiding under the bed man.
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From: Southern California
Originally Posted by vtec9,Oct 1 2007, 12:07 PM
I'd go see a psychiatrist. Internet diagnosis FTL.
