I don't remember seeing these posted here.....


Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

When Chuck Norris falls out of a boat he dosn't get wet the water gets Chuck Norrised

When God sneezes, people say Chuck Norris bless you

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky

 

I've seen them before but they're still great. Thanks for posting.

 

 

Little kids can pee their name in the snow, Chuck Norris can pee his name into concrete.

The best part of waking up is not having Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris did not kill you in your sleep.

Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris round-house kickled a horse in the face.

When Chuck norris gives you the finger, he's indicating how many seconds you have left to live...

Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.

Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick

 

chucknorrisfacts.com FTW!~

 

jesus can walk on water but chuck walks on jesus

96% of all women lose their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 4% are Fat

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang

Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb

 

Chuck Norris doesn

 

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycle Bin.

 

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father.

 

Hurricanes are created when Chuck Norris practices roundhouse kicks off the cost of Africa.