not me. not at all. relationships should not be a battle of wills. this isn't a zero sum game. I would suggest communicating with her in the same way you'd wish her to communicate with you. and, I would suggest not being affected at all, and responding with more love and caring and less expectations of sex. if it can't be used against you, it loses it's power of control. then, it's just fun and precious again. create a fantastic, safe, cuddly, precious but platonic home environment, and just watch how quickly she jumps your bones. and she'll never try that stunt again.

you leave her at home and make her feel unappreciated, then she'll be more receptive to anybody who she feels will appreciate her. I would if I was in her shoes.

worst case scenario, after you've tried your best to create a healthy relationship, and if your love and caring is not reciprocated, leave and leave quickly without looking back. you can't make castles out of mud.

 

Jim's Dad:
"The longer a marriage lasts the longer you can go ... without sex."

 

[QUOTE]Originally posted by rworne
[B]Jim's Dad:

 

Ha, American Pie, speaking of you pie, you must have some awesome chick!!! Any pics?

 

i'm in agreement with tritium. on most of that.

 

Thread Title "Fellow Married men: Do you have to work hard to get it?"

 

Most women these days LOVE sex. I think the ones that don't are few and far between. So if they're holding out on you, its definitely for some other reason.

Follow tritium_pie's advice, mainly about being nonchalant, if your partner isn't being enthusiastic about having sex, and you should see things change, I would hope.

 

There is a joke something like " How do you make a hot woman cold? Marry her". Until you have been married, you may not appreciate that.
Good response, Tritium, you're right, but being right doesn't mean it always works. Get married to the hottest woman you can find, and then answer the question after maybe a year.

 

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this but thought I'd try and help. Keeping my mouth shut ensures more for me but here goes.
If she isn't bugging you for it, then you aren't right for each other. No chemistry and you're gonna spend the rest of your life like this? Sexual chemistry makes up for a lot of other shortcomings (no pun). It's not the size of the ship, it's the motion in the ocean! This doesn't mean you are doing something wrong or she is doing something wrong as long as you are making an effort. Can't be taught overnight. It's mostly about understanding females and their anatomy. If you go to school on this and learn how to make love to a woman the way a woman wants you to, she will be bugging you for sex on a daily basis and you won't have to pay or do honeydo's. She will do things for you! You should do for your mate anyway and she should do for you. That's why they call it a partnership but bartering for sex should never happen.
Guys. Watch Sex with Sue on Oxygen channel Sunday nights and you may learn something you didn't know about females. We must keep abreast (again no pun) of what the other half are up to. Better yet. Watch it together! Talk about what you learned. Practice what you learned. Well most of it anyway. No need to get freaky unless that's what she's into. MODERATION! Try to please each other and be successful and happy forever.

 

As a married man let me say that what tritum says does apply to a marriage. That being said, you must 'work' for it just because you must work on your relationship period. If the relationship is not going well then chances are you are not going to get any.

Tritum's narrative of his gf's actions is an excellent description of a great relationship: Guy gets horny, girl gives takes care of him (even if not horny herself) and visa versa.

I don't know how long his relationships have lasted but I can garantee you he won't be in that situation all of his married life!. Why? because life happens: She gets sick, he gets sick, family members die/meddle (Hey, he let a great girl go because of her family!) , sleazy guy/slutty girl try to break up the marriage, midlife crisis hits, s/he puts on 50 pounds (and all of a sudden satisfying your partner becomes a little more of a chore... ), etc, etc.

During my married life we have been close to some of the things tritum describes and we have been quite far. There have been ocasions where the mere thought of sex made me sick (I was on what it seem like half a million pills) or I was simply too tired (29 hours of straight coding does that to you. There have bee other ocasions where it was just magical (nothing like unsolicited sex :-) ) and there have been othere where the whole point was to satisfy the other person.

Bottom line: Shoot for the stars, expect high mountains. It takes a lot of work. You are two people and you will definetely not deal / react the same way when life happens.

Yes, I 'work' for it. Yes I get 'brownie points' but not for sex. I do it to better (and keep) my relationship with my wife. We are each other's best friend. Sex is just one of the many rewards of having a good relationship (Unless offcours you both are a pair of sex maniacs who dont care about each other but can't go 2 hours
without getting it on! ;-) ).