what do i do?
i have nobody to talk to except my psychologist, but he's busy and next time i go is saturday

so, my parents suck at life, my parents have been divorced for about 7 years, and it was split custody, monday & tuesday @ dad's, wednesday & thursday @ mom's and weekends alternated...my grades have been horrible since the beginning of freshman year (sophmore now) and my mom thought we'd try to have me at her house all week and go to my dad's every other weekend

lately i've been going to huntington learning center to help improve my grades and my dad doesn't want to pay because i don't ask my teachers for help

so now my mom wants to ask for child support, and the day my dad go tthe letter, he tells me he wants to change and spend more time with me because i'm going to college in 2 years (we never spend time together) and he is usually trustworthy, we're going to fix his TR7 then once summer starts, we're getting an RX-7 as a project car that will be my first car

and now my mom is telling me that she doesn't want me to go there too often and i wanted to go this weekend but she wants me to help with mulch and i'll go there sunday and she wants me to go to my grandparents' house while she's traveling

last night i told my mom that i want them to go to counseling and that i felt like i'm being used as a pawn

and my aunt came over today to drop off some letter for her (my aunt's) lawyer because some electrician blew his finger off while working on a dishwasher and she asks me about my mom and why she was sad and i told her what happened (only what i told my mom, not what happened with my dad) and she starts going off on me about how my dad doesn't care and how i shouldn't be saying that it's all my mom (my mom complains to me about my dad, i hate it) and was yelling at me, so i opened the front door and told her she was wasting her breath and she called me 5 minutes later saying that i hurt her

i'm pissed off because i feel like i'm being used, my aunt was no help and likes to twist my words a LOT so i can't tell her anything anymore, none of my friends know my situation and i don't want to tell them because it's too complicated, and i think my parents are using me to keep/get money and i really would like ot spend time with my dad because i never have, but it takes for my mom to ask for child support for him to do it? and my mom always says that she wants me to spend time with my dad and it doesn't matter where i am, but now she doesn't want me to go there too much until she has child support all together

there's my ****ed up family

what do i do, who do i believe?


EDIT: they got divorced in 1999

 

don't be too cynical. Pretty much everyone sucks at life to some degree. At least you are capable of being slightly objective about things. At least your parents sound like they live close enough to see regularly - my niece's mom keeps moving hours away, then closer, then somewhere else 2 or 3 hours away, never able to stay anywhere for more than a few months, making visitation hell. You sound like both your parents at least have some stability, even if they can be petty at times. In a few years, you'll be living on your own, going to college, and will be less affected by your parents' differences.

 

yeah, literally 5 minutes away

i'm thinking about going back to the way it was(half and half)...i get to spend time with my dad, and my mom, and i get a car out of it

 

You should try to have a sit down conversation with both your parents. It no use trying to have them power trip and pull you away from each other. That way no one's going to be happy and the relationship between your parents will get steadily worse.

 

Rent: "Squid and the Whale" and have your whole family watch it with you (if they're still willing to sit down together for 1.5 hrs... It's literally about your situation.

at the end, ask 'em: do you want me to be like the young kid?

 

my dad and anyone from my mom's side can't be in the same room for 1.5 minutes without fighting

 

This is a serious question, not meant as a slam.

Have your grades been sliding because you have not been working at school?

In other words, lots of kids subconsciously will slack off and let the grades fall in a situation like yours because deep down they want to get attention from their parents.

If that is at all partly true, correct it immediately. School success will be a major determining factor of your success as an adult and should not be screwed around with.

I would concentrate on doing the best you can and let as much of the strife as possible roll off you back. That is not to suggest you do not try to fix it, just know that only so much of it is currently in your control and you have to deal with the rest.

Good luck.

 

my counsellor says that the reason my grades are bad is because it's my way of telling my parents that there is something wrong

 

If thats true then just tell them in plain english and fix the grades.

 

Invisible monkey,

as a student of family psychology, i sympathize greatly. if i were you, desperate enough to write on this board, i'd be hoping for support and constructive, positive advice. not being critiqued as many members of this board do at the drop of a hat. i apologize beforehand for any s2k people who are harsh on you. the grades thing, however, is somwhat true. do what you can to get into a college far away.

bottomline in life is that parents or not, everyone is just a person. and most likely, a really messed up person, incapable of handling their own crap, let alone properly caring for a child. it sucks that people can just have kids whever they want; that they need not pass a competancy test beforehand. i'm sorry you got dealt these cards, as no one deserves to deal with it. a family ought to be a rock solid foundation, where you can return to, trust and feel safe. but it rarely is for any of us. no doubt that this will severly impact your life and how it is lived and will probably even affect your kids' lives. just do the best you can.

-realize that your parents are faulty people. try not to idolize them as we tend to do to our parents. they dont deserve it.

-watch them. learn from their mistakes. vow that you will never become like them; that you'll feel ashamed of yourself if you ever become like them and take specific steps to avoid copying their behavior.

-separate yourself from them. see them like stupid lab rats running in a maze of emotion. dont participate in their madness.

-put your energy into your future. try to make good friends you can count on. prepare for your future family by building a solid foundation. many psycologists say that people try to fix the problems of their past in their future. imo, there's nothing wrong with that. do it correctly and it may lead you to a type of closure.

-lastly, try to accept that things are messed up and eventually be genuinely ok with it. i've been trying to do this very step, myself. still working on it.

hang in there, sorry for the long post and good luck