Absolutely correct.

 

personally, i don't know about "the only one for me" theory, if that may be a possibility here. i believe there are a number of ppl out there for everyone. some ppl are harder to get along with, so will have a smaller number of "the ones".

i've had 2 girls say "you are the one, i want to know that this is not a waste and that we will move forward and plan for a more permanent coexistence." TWICE i fell for it....these guys are all right...if you're not sure NOW, then in all probabilities, it never will be. i would tell her the truth, tell her you're not sure and you need more time to think about it. think hard, b/c in most cases, there is no turning back. once you tell her, she will either go forward or the distance begins (eventual break-up).

GOOD LUCK BUDDY!!!! just ask yourself...is she worth it? if yes, you're lucky. if not, look some more! there are so many to choose from!

 

I spent four years with a girl in a long term relationship that ended four months ago. There was plenty of time where the both of us thought we were going to get married, but as soon as this question started coming up it ruined everything. Ask yourself some basic questions. Are you guys straight with eachother? Do you ever feel like you're "walking on eggshells" in order to avoid getting into a fight?

Why is she so worried about this right now?
She's 22 for Christ sake!

I know plenty of girls around my age who have had the idea of getting married and having children as their goal in life (like school was just a way of picking up guys). That type of move should be a natural progression from an outstanding, personal relationship. Careful Unicron...the ice you tread upon is thin with any girl....Best of luck man.

BTW I just started going out with a girl I have known for years and it just feels like a perfect fit

 

Ledfoot,

Yep...previous to this relationship, I was with this girl for 5 years. I thought she was the one, but some relationship damaging occurances kind of ruined it for me. I ended up breaking up with her because I felt that I was no longer certain marriage was in our future.

I really want to be with my current girlfriend, but I just think "the one" thing is a bit hyped. I know it means alot to her, so I will have to just tell her the truth about my uncertainty

 

Always the best approach, IMO.

I've only been married a little over 2 months so take my comments with the proverbial grain of salt.

22 is too young. Sure there's exceptions but everyone in my peer group is a markedly different person today in their late 20's/early 30's then they were in their late teens/early 20's. I think you're digging a real hole for yourself if you're contemplating these types of life altering decisions this young. That's just my opinion.

I would also echo the sentiment that if there's doubt, there is no doubt. I won't bore you with the details about my relationship with my wife but I will say this. We went from being good friends to lovers against all odds and breaking many commonly held "rules of dating". Through all that, I knew very early on that she was the one for me.

I don't know that doubt necessarily means that you're with the wrong woman so much as it could mean that you're not ready yet, no matter the woman.

I strongly suggest that you continue to be honest with her. Let her know how much you care but also what you're thinking. Don't be brutal but for God's sake don't lead her on either.

Good luck.

 

Wise words, Da Happa. I agree with you.

 

just tell her that she's definitely "the one", but she's not only "the one".

seriously though, you need to draw a line for her AND yourself. Her urgency to get hitched is not your own and just as she needs to accept you for who you are, she needs to accept what you are and aren't ready for. Life is a gamble, and the people we share our lives with are a gamble as well. Some are safer bets than others, but they're all bets. Does she think/feel that you're worth the gamble that you will eventually come to feel that she IS "the one" for you? Do you think she's worth the gamble?

basically..... i subscribe to the same theory as boka....if theres any doubt theres no doubt. it's always easier when it's not you though.

 

OK, from a chick's point of view (and one who is a little older than your g/f), she seems to have a lot of insecurity and wants validation from you. Some girls need this validation, and push it all the way to the altar. It's not a good basis upon which to start what is supposed to be a lifelong relationship, so if it were me, keep that in consideration and think really hard before I would let her push me into something more permanent.

 

Take a lesson from the recent beer commercial though.... If you both get in the car with something to tell, let her speak first... All kidding aside, my wife and I met through a mutual friend (who is not my friend anymore, but that's another story) and really "clicked." We spent several months dating and were sharing an apartment pretty quickly. The one thing that kept me from marrying her sooner was a slight difference in what I call "The Neatness Threshold" I really had to think if I wanted to spend the rest of my life picking up things and cleaning since I got fed up with the mess before she did. Eventually, I became more tolerant and she got a little better and I became comfortable enough to marry. We'll make 15 years in February.

 

[QUOTE]Originally posted by TrojanHorse
[B]If you have any trouble deciding if she is the one, then she is not it!