Perhaps this should go into "Under The Hood"...???

Oil change instructions for women:

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change
2. Drink a cup of coffee
3. 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a Properly maintained vehicle

Money spent: oil change $20.00, coffee $1.00, total $21.00


Oil change instructions for men:

1. Wait until saturday morning. Drive to parts store buy a case of oil,Filter, kitty litter, and hand cleaner write a check for $50.00
2. Stop by liquor store buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00 drive home
3. Open a beer and drink it
4. Jack up car and spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands
5. Find jack stands under kids pedal car
6. In frustration open another beer and drink it
7. Place drain pan under engine
8. Look for 9/16 box wrench
9. Give up search and use crescent wrench
10. Unscrew drain plug
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; splash hot oil all over yourself. Cuss
12. Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil
13. Have another beer while oil drains
14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench
15. Give up; crawl under car and hammer screw driver through oil filter And twist off
16. Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil all over floor
17. Cleverly hide oil filter in garbage can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer
18. Buddy shows up, finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener
19. Sunday; skip church because you have to finish oil change. Drag pan full of old oil from under car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard
20. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 19
21. Beer nope drank it all yesterday
22. Walk to liquor store buy more beer
23.install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of oil to gasket surface
24. Dump first quart of fresh oil in engine
25. Rememb er drain plug from step 11
26. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan
27. Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in backyard, along with drain plug
28. Drink beer
29. Shovel out hole and sift through oily mud looking for drain plug re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids' sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in gas from lawn mower
30. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill
31. Drink beer
32. Crawl under car gat kitty litter in eyes. Wipe eyes oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plugand smash knuckles on frame
33. Bang head on floor board in reaction to step 32
34. Begin cussing fit
35. Throw stupid crescent wrench
36. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit miss december in left boob
37. Drink beer
38. Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow
39. Beer
40. Beer
41. Dump in five quarts of fresh oil
42. Beer
43. Lower car from jack stands
44. Accidentally crush remaining case of oil
45. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled in steps 24-44
46. Beer
47. Test drive car
48. Get pulled over and arrested for drunk driving
49. Get car impounded
50. Call loving wife to make bail
51. 12 hours later get car from impound lot

Money spent: parts $50.00, DUI $2500.00, impound fees $75.00, bail $1500.00, beer $40.00, total $4165.00

But you know it was done right!!!!

 

Yep, and damned PROUD of it!!

 

It's not $1.00 for the coffee; you know it's that $4.00 stuff they get at Starbucks.

 

LOL, That was freakin funny!

 

So true

 

Pretty funny. thanks!

 

For women, tack on however much it costs to buy soap to wash your hands after touching your greasy steering wheel, and however much it costs to have it and the driver's side floor mat cleaned.