Hi everyone!

Long time reader, first time poster

I have a question, to which I hope that some of you may share some wisdom.

I'm in love with a Married women..

We have known each other for some time, and care a lot about each other. I know she is the one for me, and I know she wishes things had been different.

So..what do I do?

She'd been married for about a year, we are both relativly young, She is a few years younger then me.

We are very good friends, and have lately been somewhat intimate, but I want more then that..

Help me please!

Thanks

PS.. This is the best site ever... You should be really proud to be part of such a wonderfull community, that you all are responsible for.

Jimmy

 

What's the marriage situation like with her and her husband?

Personally, I'd stay away until she gets a divorce.

 

She is not all that happy in her marriage, but like anyone I guess there are some good things, otherwise she would have left already no?

Staying away is one way to do it I suppose, but what if that day never comes?
I'm not an ass, and I would hate to make anyone do something that don't want to do, But I would really like to show her that she would be happier then me..

I know this sounds like a joke and all, but its constantly on my mind, when I'm with her I'm the happiest guy on the planet..when I'm not..I'm miserable

 

Stay away.

1. How would you feel if someone was being intimate with your wife/gf?

2. FACT: Most of the time when a woman ( or man for that matter ) cheats on their current partner with another person. They will also cheat on you. It is a trait of their personality. ( From a TLC show about infadelity from a few weeks ago )

3. FACT: Some where near 30% of children are not the genetic offspring of the womans spouse. ( again same TLC show ) Consider this before you become any more intimate.

4. If you have been long time friends why did she merry the other guy?

 

I'm with integrate. Until she's divorced, stay away. Make it clear to her that you're interested, but that it's not fair to her husband.

If you don't feel that way, you should. People who are "playing the field" (in this case, her) aren't doing anyone any favors.

Tim

P.S. How would you feel if you were the cuckhold? (That's the term used to describe an unfaithful woman's husband.)

 

She was engaged when we met, and didn't spend alot of time together before she was married..There was always "something" there, but not enough to make her rethink her marriage at the time..

Point #2 has occured to me many times as well..and I hate to sound naive about this..but I don't think that is the case here...though only time would tell.

Not long after she was married, we became much closer, and even she has said I wished I had fallen in love with you first..

Its just killing me!!!!

Thanks for the replies..every point of view is very helpfull

 

OK, I've got the T shirt for the situation you're in now, except I was the married one. However much this woman is drawn to you, you have to understand that she's being pulled in two directions. Some of the reasons she stays with her husband will be good ones, relationships are seldom ALL bad. Some of the reasons she stays will be be to do with personal guilt and not wanting to hurt the other person, who is the innocent party in this, (As far as we know anyway)

I know how you're feeling, but you got to give this some time and be really sure that you got a chance together if she splits with her husband. There's no guarantee that you two will succeed in the long term anyway. Accept that you're the one with everething to gain and she must be wondering what she stands to lose.

Nobody hands out any medals even today, for what you're contemplating and you'll find friends and relatives polarised into different camps on the subject. It's nasty and messy initially and whilst things settle down in time, it's not pleasant. Be sure you know what you're doing

Just a small thought but it's easy to have a great relationship and go at it like minks in a casual fun relationship, heightened by the secrecy of it all. Sooner or later you have to face the more down to earth realities like where do we live, facing household bills and the more mundane stuff.

Good luck, I hope it works out for you.

 

Just to be clear..in response to Tim..I agree..I'm not looking to carry on an affair with her..and while we have done things that no doubt constitute cheating..we haven't slept together, though I'm sure thats no comfort to her unaware husband.

If I just wanted a fling, I'd keep dating the girls I do..

 

If there's the slightest chance of this woman settling down and staying with her husband there's no honour that I can see in you continuing to press her. Folks here are right. You should make it quite clear that it's finished until she's divorced, or she turns up on your doorstep with her cases. Either way it's out in the open. Choose your own moralities!

My gut feeling is that she must see what this is doing to you and is being manipulative. She's the one who has to make the move and you should tell her that then back right off.

 

Thanks for the good advice..

When you say back right off, do you mean don't even see her in a freind situation?

My morals are definatly coming into play here, and believe me, I know that this is wrong on a lot of levels.

On the other side, there are those close to me, family and such that know the whole long saga, and oddly enough support all this.

There is that part of me that is holding on so tight, that with an ultimatum such as that, I...well I guess I don't want the answer that its me that stays in the corner.

Thanks again for the replies, and I'm not looking for the posts that say "go for it!" I don't need the affirmation to make me feel better