We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough motor on the door opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "No, it's not. Four is larger than two." We haven't used Sears repair since.

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said "You gave me too much money." I said, "Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back." She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so and he handed me back the quarter, and said "We're sorry but we cannot do that kind of thing." The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change. Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded "That's why we ask."

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded "What are blind people doing driving?!"

We were having a goodbye luncheon for an old and dear coworker, as she was leaving the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!" His reply, "I know. I already got that side.

When I left Hawaii and was transferred to Florida , I still had the Hawaiian plates on my car, as my car was shipped from Hawaii. I was parking somewhere and a guy asked me "Wow, you drove from Hawaii to here?" I looked at him and quickly said "Yep. I took the Hawaii-San Francisco Bridge ." He nodded his head and said "Cool!"

STAY ALERT! They walk among us, they vote, AND they reproduce.

 

... and then there's one about Verizon data plan...

 

http://verizonmath.blogspot.com/

 

My god... so true in so many ways.

 

From XKCD