Let's here your jokes.....
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Joined: Jul 2001
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From: FCUK
okay, here is another....
[I]Duck walks into a bar and says to the barman.. "got any bread?"
The barman says "no",
Duck says "oh, got any bread?"
Barman says "no" confused by the same question,
Duck says "okay, got any bread"
Barman says "not I don
[I]Duck walks into a bar and says to the barman.. "got any bread?"
The barman says "no",
Duck says "oh, got any bread?"
Barman says "no" confused by the same question,
Duck says "okay, got any bread"
Barman says "not I don
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From: Taipei
Originally posted by tokyo_james
I am surprised you can see me for the dust that AnDy_PaNdY is kicking up
I am surprised you can see me for the dust that AnDy_PaNdY is kicking up
is there any? Why am I talking about tonight.... must been too tired..!!
Joined: Aug 2001
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From: Leyland, Lancs.
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as daddy, junior and the spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh#t out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me".
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry".
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St.Taffy's.
Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as daddy, junior and the spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh#t out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me".
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry".
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St.Taffy's.
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Joined: Aug 2001
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From: Honolulu/Kona,HI
A very old man was at his Hunters Club meeting telling a young man ( the voice of a old man ) " Back in 1932 while I was in the woods, a Lion had jumped out and went... ROARRR!!!! ( imitating with hands up in the air ) I'd just shit my pants!" The young man replies, " Well if a Lion had jumped out at me, I'd shit my pants too." The old man says, " No, no.... I mean just now when I went "ROARRR!!!" I just shit my Pants!!!
