I'm gonna have to agree with everyone else that you should cut things off with the ex. I've kinda dealt with/am dealing with the same thing. I dated an ex of mine off and on for over 3 years. I finally ended things completely with her like 5 months ago. I stopped talking to her completely.

Then I meet a new girl. We dated for like 2 months and then she just breaks up with me out of the blue for really no reason at all. She completely broke my heart and I was in a dark place for a while.

Now I hadn't talked to my ex in like 4 months and she suddenly starts emailing me and sending me Myspace messages asking me whats wrong with me, blah blah blah. She is apparently dating a new guy which I'm happy for her, but now I'm all confused again. This girl was my FIRST love so she sorta has a special kind of control over me.

Basically we are broken up for a reason, infact many reasons but the more I am in contact with her the more it confuses me. It sounds like your a lot like me in that you care a lot so you have a hard time letting go. Trust me it will be much better in the long run to just cut contact and move on. This new girl sounds awesome and you should give it a whirl.

 

This situation is common, you're pretty much acting like the majority of people would.

The most sound thing to do is to break it off with both.

That's right, both. You're not over the ex but it obvious that she broke it off to go looking for another so she needs to be crossed off your list. You need to break it off with the new girl because you're not open and ready to be in a relationship if your thinking this stongly about someone else.

At the very least cool things down with the new girl. Make it more casual dating than a relationship. I would not tell her about the ex nor your conflicting feelings because all that will do is hurt the poor girl.

If you break things off or need an excuse for why your backing away from the new girl simply tell her that you've been dealing with some personal issue that you need to sort out before the relationship gets too serious, but be vage, and say it only if questioned.

I want you to answer this question seriously for your own well being. You know you need some time to sort this out, don't you?
You know your confused and conflicted, right? Do you feel guilty for being with miss right now and hanging on to ms right then? You've got some inner turmoil going on here and the best thing you can do is find someone that you respect and talk it out with them. If you're missing that person in your life you might want to sit down with a therapist. I'm not implying that you're weak or need mental help, but you do need someone to guide you through your thought process now so that you can make a reasonable discision on you own. Hopefully you have someone, preferably a woman that you can trust to have this conversation with and that knows and cares about you.

The fact that you're feeling like this says that you do in fact have integrety. This is fairly rare and you need to keep it part of you. Work it out in your own head first before you continue along any path. You don't want to set yourself up for a fall nor do you want to hurt either of these two women. Take some time to work this out.

Good luck!

 

hey guys, thanks for all the advice. well, i did forget to mention one note. back in october of 2004, she did break up with me one time for no reason at all which i never understood. and i remember how weird it felt because i knew i didnt do anything wrong and she just wouldnt want to talk to me. i tried to contact her for a week straight and nothing. so i said to myself forget her. I was going to be strong and resilient. Sure, the first few weeks were hard back in that month of october but as the time went on i got better. I feel like if i did it before I can do it again. also look at the time when she broke up with me. winter and the holidays were comin. So i just kept myself preoccupied to get over her. i worked, went to college, worked out, went out with friends. and then in March of 2005, one day out of nowhere she sent me a message on my answering machine sayin hey its me, that i probably dont wanna talk to her but she had a dream about me and just wanted to make sure everything was fine. so we dated till september but ended up breakin up again!

I guess the reason im so upset is because I thought i had everything all planned. I dreamed of us being married somewhere special, having this many kids, living here, everything! and im tired of doin everything. i told her not too long ago it takes 2 to do this and i go out of my way for her. but anyways, now that i see those dreams that i had with her might not come true, i feel like i let myself down and those were my goals and now they might not happen. you guys know what im talkin about?

also with this new girl, were not really in a relationship. we are at this moment just casual dating. i mean i dont think i need a therapist i just i guess have to talk with my ex about all this and give her an ultimatum. cuz i dont know how long its goin to be before she wants a relationship. and i certainly dont want to pass up this new girl. shes been great. but you guys are right. I keep in contact with her thats why its so hard for me to let go. like i said i did it before so i could do it again. ill keep you guys updated

 

They say the chase is better then the catch.

We tend to crave for that which we don't have, so it's pretty normal you're thinking about these things. Just cut short all communication and concentrate on your new GF. She seems special, so don't mess it up.

 

Yes, most, if not all of us, know exactly what you're talking about.

The idea that somehow you failed, that maybe you did something wrong makes it even harder. You didn't fail! You had some lofty dreams for a relationship. That relationship for whatever reason, wasn't capable of fulling those dreams. It wasn't you, or her. It was the relationship as a whole. It just didn't work out. Keep those dreams for the relationship that does work! Wait for that one!

The, on again, off again relationships, constantly erode your self-esteem and the pursuit of making a relationship fit often causes even more heartache and wastes time from finding one that just naturally fits. Do you really see it as a certainty, that if you do end up getting her back, that the off again won't happen again? Does it seem realistic?

Do you think it's a good idea to convince her to enter into a relationship the way you want it to be? Wouldn't it be better if you met someone that fit perfectly without any of that? How much time are you willing to waste, therefore reducing the probability of meeting someone that really gets it the way your do?


Be careful here, seriously, you're walking on very painful dangerous and detrimental ground!

Good luck, think and talk it out with yourself and someone that knows and cares about you!

I feel for ya man.

 

And vise versa.

Quit being each other's safety nets and move on! Like everyone else said, keeping in contact with an ex will be the death of you. Cut it off. It's hard, but hey, it's for the best.

 

I don't see the problem here...First off you shouldn't even be talking about marriage, trust me. You and the "ex" will never last so give it up, I say keep having sex with her until she either gets too clingy or goes back to being weird. This new new chick sounds cool, but you need to test drive her first. Don't tell either girl about each other and if you do end up developing feelings for this new broad then stop pounding the ex. You need to learn to dis-associate your feelings when it comes to women and understand that they are all pretty much pains in the ass. Stay casual and free and long as you can and enjoy yourself....don't settle down until you are ready to have kids.

 

cutoff all communication with the ex. if you met someone that you really like, at least give her a chance and see what happens. if your ex really wants you back, its her turn to wait around for you then.

 

most def go on with the new girl.. i live by the quote everything happens for a reason and whats meant to be will be.. if your meant to be with ur ex live your life, and things will fall into place.

 

People always keep "fvck buddies" around... as long as both parties know what's what's, but its usually never a good idea.