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Dating Question: Can a Guy Be Too Nice?

Four ways that single men blow their chances with women and become friend material instead
By dating blogger Rich Santos for Marie Claire

Single women say they want the nice guy. But I'm not so sure. I recently had the following IM conversation with my friend Jill:
RICH (11:09:02 AM): punks, and rock stars
JILL (11:09:12 AM): pretty much
RICH (11:09:21 AM): hence Dave and you will never be together
JILL (11:09:27 AM): he's a good guy
RICH (11:09:30 AM): haha too clean cut and nice
JILL (11:09:35 AM): pretty much
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Poor Dave! He's losing out to punks, bartenders, and rock stars! Nothing against these occupations (not that being a punk is an occupation), but the more important part of this conversation is that Jill stated that Dave (who adores her) is too nice.
A little more about Dave: He is well-off, takes care of Jill as a friend, and asks her to do fun things all the time... you know... dates? Imagine!
I had a friend who is now married who suffered from the "nice guy syndrome." On one occasion, we were standing in a bar and he announced that he had to walk five blocks to the subway station to pick up his date and walk her to the bar. We were none too pleased with this: Maybe we are not old-fashioned enough, but we figured if a girl makes it out of the New York subway, she should be capable (and independent) enough to walk five blocks to a bar.
His worst showing of being too nice was when he was on a first date with a girl and he walked her into the subway station (behind the turnstile -- he paid even though he wasn't riding the train) and waited with her for the train to come. When she stepped onto the train, he then ran along as the train was leaving, waving through the window at her until he couldn't keep up.
His gentlemanly strategy did not pay off. A few weeks later, I ran into her and they were no longer seeing one another. She joked about the train run-along and proceeded to hit on me. Was he too nice, or was she just a bad seed? Maybe a little bit of both.

Is it possible for a guy to be too nice? Here are some ways that this could ring true:

#1: He's So Nice, He Can Only Be a Friend
Hey, a good friend is hard to find. What sometimes happens when we get into a relationship? It eventually runs its course and ends, which means awkwardness and/or change in both of you, since you started off as friends. Maybe you can recover and remain buddies, but is it worth the risk if you find that you're really good friends with a nice guy? Also, sometimes the nice guy just has no edge, so he's destined to be just a friend.

#2: He's So Nice, He's Not Challenging Enough
I've recently learned from your comments: Women enjoy the thrill of the chase a bit too much. People like to wonder what's going to happen, that nerve-racking first few months when the "training wheels" are still on the relationship. And, no matter how much we try to deny it, we do like that we've won someone over instead of just having them give themselves up to us. If a guy is too easy, he may be ruining his chances.

#3: He's So Nice, He'll Always Be There
I've seen some friends take their time with a nice guy. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. Maybe a woman wants to meet some new guys and "sow her wild oats" while the nice guy fawns over her. She enjoys keeping him in her life as a friend, but somewhere in the back of her mind she knows that she can probably return to him later. Again, it's all about risk management: If you want to take the risk of him meeting someone else, then go for it.

#4: He's TOO Nice, You Can't Trust Him
Sometimes people are so nice that it seems like they might have sinister overtones. I always see it on Lifetime movies: The guy comes into the woman's life and he is just perfect. Then he slowly disintegrates into a psycho freak. Perhaps a guy can come off as so nice in the beginning that he appears to be covering up for something bad. A woman might avoid a relationship with him if something just doesn't feel right. What makes a guy too nice or "friend" material instead of dating material? Do you avoid getting into relationships with a guy who's too nice, or is he destined to be a "friend"?
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As for me, I was done with being a 'nice guy' years ago.

Warren

 

'Nice Guy' - there are ways to define it.. it can mean being a gentleman or being a girl.

If youre a 'nice guy' and you're decently attractive + funny + not fake nice, + show you're interested, I think a lot of girls would be attracted to you.

Now if youre a 'nice guy' who always says hes a 'nice guy' and he doesnt do anything (romantically) then yeh, hes gonna be single.



just my 2 cents.

 

I used to be a nice guy, went through a couple girlfriends. Decided that I was doing something wrong when they say "I was a sweetheart, but it wasn't working out", and decided to say F it and be a dick at times, not all the time though, and say whats on my mind. Its paid off tremendously. Im still a nice guy, but I dont put them on a pedustuhl anymore.

 

I'm just now realizing that.

 

pedestals...only exotic cars belong there

 

My ex girlfriend from high school, that I'm now really good friends with, just broke up with a guy for being too nice.

She started talking to him and at first said she really liked him because he wasn't like the normal guys she dates and is really really nice to her. At first she liked this characteristic about him and was really happy. However, after 2 months she said she was getting annoyed of him always being such a nice guy. I swear to god she told me that she wants a guy that will tell her to shut up every now and then, but at the same time be nice the majority of the time.

She can be a bitch at times and she said she knows it. But when she's being a bitch she would like a guy to tell her she's being a bitch and to shut up. hahah

 

Nice has nothing to do with it. Confidence does. You can be pretty lame, but be completely confident in yourself and you'll still attract women. Most women are naturally self-conscious and insecure, but they don't want the same traits in a man.

 

Be nice. . . just don't be consistently nice. B.F. Skinner is your friend.

 

Nothing wrong with being nice, just don't be a pushover from the get-go. That's weak and shows your balls have yet to drop IMO. You don't have to be an asshole, but assert yourself. I was always mostly "nice" to women I had an interest in, but always kept them off-guard with something. Being generally rough around the edges by nature doesn't hurt either.

 

I would classify my self as being the "nice guy/metrosexual".I have a sort of distinguished feminine side that has actually turned off quite a few women.I'm comepletely hairless except for my head and legs.I spend an hour in the bathroom before I go out,I hate getting dirty or sweaty otuside of the gym.

Hell my last gf got freaked out after she saw me putting lotion my body after a shower and accused me of being Bisexual and kept thinking I was gonna give her an STD.

The girl I'm with now is the absolute perfect girl,she has been my sister bff for 12 years ,very strong spiritual beliefs.Laughs at my feminine quirks ,not really turned off by them.

And now with being with her for a few months I've realized ,I was going for the wrong type of girl.I always went for the socialite...the girl who cared more about what others thought of her boyfriend than she did.