LORRAINE

There was a guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine. She very pretty and he liked her a lot. One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started working there. Her name was Clearly and she was absolutely gorgeous.

He began to like her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too. But, he was a loyal man and he wouldn't get involved with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine.

He decided that there was nothing for him to do but to break up with Lorraine and date the new girl. He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

One day as they were walking along the river bank, Lorraine slipped and fell in to the river. The current carried her off and she drowned. The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing............

(groan)
"I can see Clearly now Lorraine is gone..."

 

One hundred and ninety million years ago, at the beginning of the Jurassic period, cave children loved to hop onto the back of a friendly Stegosaurus, whose distinctive high-arched body reached twenty feet.
One day, to his parents' horror, a toddler leaped off a precipice, oblivious to the fact that, seconds before, the great beast below had lumbered off. "Poor kid," said his father, shaking his head, ... he hasn't got a Steg to land on."

 

As we know, the French will eat almost anything. This may be the reason they learned to make wine, but that's another question. A young cook decided that the French would enjoy feasting on rabbits, and he decided to raise rabbits in Paris and sell them to the restaurants in the city.

He searched all over Paris, seeking a suitable place to raise his rabbits. None could be found. Finally, an old priest at the cathedral said he could use a small area behind the rectory for his rabbits.

He successfully raised a number of rabbits and when he went about Paris selling them, a restaurateur asked him where he got such plump, fresh rabbits.
The young entrepreneur answered proudly that he produced them himself.
When queried further about exactly where he raised them, he replied,
"I have hutch back of Notre Dame."

 

The famous film director, Milos, fighting a severe cold, was
nevertheless on location in Athens, determined to complete his movie.
One scene at an ancient ruin required so many takes that Milos soon
developed laryngitis. To this day, locals who worked on the set remember
the director as ... the hoarse Forman of the Acropolis

 

A rock group on tour is motoring through Wyoming in its luxurious
recreational vehicle. Suddenly, their passage is obstructed by hundreds
of steers. The musicians hail a cowboy and politely ask if they may
drive through in order to meet their concert date.
"No way," snaps the cattleman.
The rockers huddle to consider their options, then return to the
stubborn cowboy.
"We've got some really unusual grass," they offer slyly.
"Marijuana in suppository form."
The cowboy accepts the bribe and reins in the animals long
enough to allow the group's bus to proceed.
Moral? ... A herd in the band is worth boo in the tush.

 

My brother, Rick, had a pet called a "Rarey." The Rarey was tiny when Rick first got it and had a huge appetite. The Rarey began to grow and grow. Soon it outgrew it's crate and Rick had to lock it in his room during the day. Eventually it outgrew Rick's room and he had to put it in the back yard. The Rarey still grew and finally outgrew the back yard. Rick decided he had to get rid of his pet Rarey. He rented a dump truck, took the Rarey to a cliffed and dumped it over.

Looking at what he had done I said, (groan) "Gee Rick. That's a long way to tip a Rarey!"

 

My wife likes to watch JAG. As you know, the leading character is a guy named Lt. Harmon (Harm) Rabb. Harm always gets the better of the bad guys so, during one episode as he was just about to get ambushed by a bad guy, I said out loud "You'd better get outa Harm's way!" (hehe)

The wife smacked me and said "SHADUP, you JAG ass!" (oooh, those kidney punches hurt)

 

OMG - two otherwise normal people who need serious psychiatric help almost as much as I do.

 

During the French revolution a Count was caught by the mob and they wanted to know where he had hid all his money. They brought him up to the guillotine and gave him one more chance to tell. He refused. As they dropped the blade. As they did he yelled "I'll tell! I'll tell". It was to late.

Moral of the story (groan) Don't hatchet your counts until they chicken.

 

[QUOTE]Originally posted by mns2k
[B]During the French revolution a Count was caught by the mob and they wanted to know where he had hid all his money.