Golf's Worst Foursome


1. MONICA LEWINSKI
2. O. J. SIMPSON
3. TED KENNEDY
4. BILL CLINTON

WHY YOU ASK? Well, you're going to love this!

1. MONICA IS A HOOKER,
2. O. J. IS A SLICER,
3. TED CAN'T DRIVE OVER WATER, AND
4. BILL CAN'T REMEMBER WHICH HOLE HE PLAYED LAST

 

Two blondes were sitting in a reception room waiting to be interviewed for a secretarial position. One blonde, somewhat intimidated by the other, decided to ask some questions to size up the competition. She got the other blonde's attention and said, "Do you know IBM?"

"Oh, me too", the second one replied! "Especially after eating oatmeal."

 

I'm laughing more at your avatar than the joke... he looks like a little Hulk Hogan!

 

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

Well, it was like this", said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end."


I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt."


"That's when I made my big mistake."

"What did you do?" asks the doctor. "

"Well, I lifted the cow's tail and yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'. I don't remember much after that."

 

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?", she whispers as she steps into the
room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee," Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
"Yes I do" she replies. The husband paused. The words were not coming easily.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"

"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued.. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"

"I remember that too" she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have gotten out today".

 

What do you call a man who cries while he masturbates?
A tearjerker.

 

 

A guy wins the lottery and runs home. Upon entering the door he
yells to his girlfriend, "Pack your bags baby, I just won the
lottery!!!"

She responds, "Great, should I pack for the beach or mountains?
"He tells her, "I don't give a shit, just get the hell out!!!"

 

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL