Official Joke Thread
Thread Starter
Registered User
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 288
Likes: 0
Official Joke Thread
Im not sure if there is one as I dont really frequent the off topic forum much but I thought it would be fun. Try to keep it pg-13ish
heres mine for the day
EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH
A young guy from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big everything-under-one-roof department store looking for a job.. The Manager says, 'Do you have any sales experience?'
The kid says 'Yeah. I was a salesman back in Minnesota ..'
Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. 'You start
tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did.'
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came down. 'How
many customers bought something from you today?'
The kid says, 'One.'
The boss says, 'Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30
customers a day. How much was the sale for?'
The kid says, '$101,237.65.'
The boss says, '$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?'
The kid says, 'First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold
him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold
him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he
said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we
went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition.'
The boss said 'A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?'
The kid said 'No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his
wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing'
heres mine for the day
EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH
A young guy from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big everything-under-one-roof department store looking for a job.. The Manager says, 'Do you have any sales experience?'
The kid says 'Yeah. I was a salesman back in Minnesota ..'
Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. 'You start
tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did.'
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came down. 'How
many customers bought something from you today?'
The kid says, 'One.'
The boss says, 'Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30
customers a day. How much was the sale for?'
The kid says, '$101,237.65.'
The boss says, '$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?'
The kid says, 'First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold
him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold
him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he
said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we
went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition.'
The boss said 'A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?'
The kid said 'No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his
wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing'
Registered User
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 674
Likes: 0
There is a plane full of people about to crash with no chance of survival as they are informed by the pilots..
a women stands up and says "before i die i want to feel like a woman" and then strips naked waiting for someone to join in..
A man stands up and begins removing his shirt.. he hands it to her and says "here iron this"
a women stands up and says "before i die i want to feel like a woman" and then strips naked waiting for someone to join in..
A man stands up and begins removing his shirt.. he hands it to her and says "here iron this"
Registered User
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 224
Likes: 0
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there
was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.
So my wife called him a wimp. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus and the car had an Obama sticker.
We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.
Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there
was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.
So my wife called him a wimp. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus and the car had an Obama sticker.
We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.
Registered User
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 224
Likes: 0
The owner of a golf course was confused about
paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his
secretary for some mathematical help. He called
her into his office and said, 'You graduated from
the University of Tennessee and I need some help.
If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how
much would you take off?'
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied,
'Everything but my earrings.
paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his
secretary for some mathematical help. He called
her into his office and said, 'You graduated from
the University of Tennessee and I need some help.
If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how
much would you take off?'
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied,
'Everything but my earrings.
Trending Topics
Registered User
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 224
Likes: 0
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My five-year-old nephew wanted to caddy for my brother's golf game.
"You have to count my strokes," my brother told him.
"How much is six plus nine plus eight?"
"Five," answered the nephew.
"Okay," my brother said, "let's go."
My five-year-old nephew wanted to caddy for my brother's golf game.
"You have to count my strokes," my brother told him.
"How much is six plus nine plus eight?"
"Five," answered the nephew.
"Okay," my brother said, "let's go."
Registered User
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 224
Likes: 0
Drove my car into the back of somone today at a set of lights, got out to apologise, turns out the bloke I hit was a dwarf, he came up to me angrily pointing his finger and said "I'm not happy!", I said "Well which one are you then?"
Registered User
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 224
Likes: 0
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her
ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men.
He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin,
fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately
began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a
Physio Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow
me, she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the
man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position,
still clasping his hands there at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.
She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side,
loosened his pants and put her hands inside.
She administered tender and artful massage for several
long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?
He replied: It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken!
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her
ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men.
He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin,
fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately
began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a
Physio Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow
me, she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the
man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position,
still clasping his hands there at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.
She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side,
loosened his pants and put her hands inside.
She administered tender and artful massage for several
long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?
He replied: It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken!