Relationship advice
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From: CFL
Originally Posted by 8D_In_Trunk,Jan 8 2007, 01:21 PM
So, I completely disagree with you. . . not with how American women act, but rather, this notion about American women's "independence."
What I find with European women is the AWESOME notion of interdependence. They're not serving you because that's what's expected of them, but rather, because they know what they can only get out as much as they put into a relationship. They understand the onus is fully (and only) half on them, moreso than most American women. They have a better understanding of serving the relationship, whilst retaining their identity.
Most American women are on either (despicable) end of this. They have no balance or sense of interdependence. Either they are so completely dependent (usually co-dependent) on their men that they have no creativity or real personal identity, or are so domineering and/or passive-aggressive, that the man must eventually submit. Moreover, a lot of our culture these days lauds this. "What's mine is mine and what's his is mine."
Worst of all, there are (quite) a few American women who desperately want to to strike that balance of personal identity whilst being personally responsible for their end of a relationship. Unfortunately, our culture does not foster this, and that's everyone's fault.
What I find with European women is the AWESOME notion of interdependence. They're not serving you because that's what's expected of them, but rather, because they know what they can only get out as much as they put into a relationship. They understand the onus is fully (and only) half on them, moreso than most American women. They have a better understanding of serving the relationship, whilst retaining their identity.
Most American women are on either (despicable) end of this. They have no balance or sense of interdependence. Either they are so completely dependent (usually co-dependent) on their men that they have no creativity or real personal identity, or are so domineering and/or passive-aggressive, that the man must eventually submit. Moreover, a lot of our culture these days lauds this. "What's mine is mine and what's his is mine."
Worst of all, there are (quite) a few American women who desperately want to to strike that balance of personal identity whilst being personally responsible for their end of a relationship. Unfortunately, our culture does not foster this, and that's everyone's fault.
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From: SJC
I didn't mistook what you said about "overly-independent" women. . . your statement with which I took umbrage is quoted in the previous post.
I don't believe most (modern Eurpoean) women are out to please their men (for the sake of pleasing their men). Rather, (most) European are way better WELL-adjusted, as such, when they do decide to participate in a relationship, it's with a much better attitude than American women.
I don't believe most (modern Eurpoean) women are out to please their men (for the sake of pleasing their men). Rather, (most) European are way better WELL-adjusted, as such, when they do decide to participate in a relationship, it's with a much better attitude than American women.
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From: CFL
Originally Posted by 8D_In_Trunk,Jan 8 2007, 01:56 PM
I didn't mistook what you said about "overly-independent" women. . . your statement with which I took umbrage is quoted in the previous post.
I don't believe most (modern Eurpoean) women are out to please their men (for the sake of pleasing their men). Rather, (most) European are way better WELL-adjusted, as such, when they do decide to participate in a relationship, it's with a much better attitude than American women.
I don't believe most (modern Eurpoean) women are out to please their men (for the sake of pleasing their men). Rather, (most) European are way better WELL-adjusted, as such, when they do decide to participate in a relationship, it's with a much better attitude than American women.
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From: CFL
Originally Posted by misskatiemo,Jan 8 2007, 11:39 AM
fair enough, I'm not saying I'm right or wrong, but I do understand your viewpoint and do see how different American culture is from many other cultures in the world. To each their own, all about finding what makes you happy - what works for some isn't for others 
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From: CFL
Originally Posted by rubyrashel,Jan 8 2007, 04:44 PM
WOW Im not quite sure what to say to this.
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From: Erock's my boat!
problem with pre-nups is that even before you get married, your mind is already thinking about divorce.
nice way to start a relationship with someone you claim to love and want to spend the rest of your life with.
nice way to start a relationship with someone you claim to love and want to spend the rest of your life with.
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From: New York, NY
I can see the sense in doing a pre-nup if you come into the marriage with a lot of assets, perhaps a nice chunk of change if your relatives die, family business, house(s), classic cars (or just ridiculously expensive ones). that goes for either party. I'm also talkin about a RIDICULOUS amount of money/assets, in the multiple millions. Mainly speaking about businesses/estates/inheritences btw, not your normal "I own a house in SoCal that's $1mil+ and I want to keep it if we end" - ie: anything extraordinary.
BUT, overall, I think they're useless and leave a bad taste to the beginning of marriage.
BUT, overall, I think they're useless and leave a bad taste to the beginning of marriage.
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From: Dallas, TX
Yeah, a prenup is a bad way to start a marriage. But as gotrice said, I have seen lots of people lose a lot of money/assets over a divorce. And the crappy thing is, it doesn't matter who's fault it is for ending the marriage. I will be damned if my wife cheats on me and takes half my stuff.
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From: SJC
Originally Posted by misskatiemo,Jan 8 2007, 02:03 PM
I can see the sense in doing a pre-nup if you come into the marriage with a lot of assets. . . I'm also talkin about a RIDICULOUS amount of money/assets, in the multiple millions. Mainly speaking about businesses/estates/inheritences btw, not your normal "I own a house in SoCal that's $1mil+ and I want to keep it if we end" - ie: anything extraordinary.
BUT, overall, I think they're useless and leave a bad taste to the beginning of marriage.
BUT, overall, I think they're useless and leave a bad taste to the beginning of marriage.
I luckily, have never had to go through a divorce. Now at 31, I have had a few friends have to go through one.
Consider at one point that I was making $27K a year, even the most modest of 401K monies could take me years upon years to gain back. Now, I make more, but I still have a chunk of money socked away for retirement. . . is that community property prior to 10 years?
If/when certain things are divested (stock grants, notably), you have to pay taxes on that amount, and WITHOUT A PRE-NUP usually the primary breadwinner is responsible for the paying of those taxes (even if mediated otherwise, the primary is contacted by the IRS first).
Let's say you have that home in California that costs $1.2M. . . and let's say you bought it when it was worth $500K: $1.2M - $500K (tax free equity) = $200K you'll still have to pay capital gains. . . WITHOUT A PRE-NUP, guess who pays the capital gains tax?
In the case of California, it's a community property state AND after 10 years, the marriage is common law anyway. So, if the marriage lasts 10 years, what was the harm of a pre-nup?
