ROTFL!!!

 

[QUOTE]Originally posted by gregstevens [B]mstw, this thread is a beautiful piece of work, isn't it?

 

You don't know how to slack until you work for the government. I slack off without even trying to hide it. Just tell people that I'm going home, or I'm going to be late.

 

[QUOTE]Originally posted by gregstevens
[B]Got another one.

 

I think this is the funniest thread I have read, and can't believe that I am sitting here slacking off at work to read it!

I'm a hard working, dedicated, loyal executive here. I should fire myself for wasting this companies resources and time!!!

NOT!!!!!!!

 

...picking up where I left off,

33. Set up your voicemail to include all sorts of contact instructions, for example:

"Hi, you have reached the voicemail of Sam D. Slacker, Process Engineer for XYZ Automated Technical BS, Sorry I cannot take your call at this time. If you need immediate assistance, please contact my assistant at extension 231, if this is regarding project TW-053, press #60, if this is an emergency, you may reach me at extension #72, for all matters regarding projects overseas, please dial #52, to leave me a message in my general voicemail box, press the star key now, to leave a message in the general office mailbox, please press #89....(you get the picture)"

At this point, they caller will either hang up or hang up. Make sure all instructions you leave will direct the caller either into your actual voicemail box, or back to the receptionist, then pat yourself on the back.

34. Constantly have your secretary order you supplies, even if you don't need it. Question her as to current exchange rates, costs for bulk shipping, FedEx rates, etc. You have so many connections in so many cities and countries on so many projects, you need your own post office and copy center.

35. Leave your hair a mess. People will assume that you are either pulling your hair out from stress, you don't have time to comb your hair, or that you slept in the office last night. If they think you smell or that you're just plain dirty, that's even better, because then they won't bother you.

36. Wear a tie. But to stay comfortable, leave it loose and crinkled (it doesn't even have to match). This way you may stay comfortable but people will think you are really business minded and that no matter how busy you are you always make the effort to "dress for success".

37. Say things to your boss or secretary like, "..hey, do we get reimbursed for client lunches (or whatever else that may sound expensive)? Oh, nevermind, I'll just pay for it out of pocket. Its Ok (them smile)" Of course, you're not really paying for anything or taking anyone out anywhere.

38. Wear mis-matched socks and point it out to your boss by saying, "...look, I've mis matched my socks again! Man, I can't tell my colors since its so dark still at 4:30 in the morning when I start my commute"

39. Leave toiletries in your office/cube and in plain site (razors, deodorant, toothbrush, tampons, etc.)

40. Sign out for the company car, but don't take it. Others who need it will come by and ask you if you are still going to use the car, wherein you reply, "...no, you go ahead and take it. I just can't get away from this darn project"

41. If you are going to be late coming in (which is a must if you are to be a true slacker), call the secretary, and tell her that you are going to swing by the "other" office (preferably in a really inconveniently remote locale) to pick up something or other first. She will think, wow, you are really dedicated, going out of your way like that for your job. Then call the "other" office and tell them you are stopping by to pick up/drop off something, but if the traffic gets too crazy, you will just head to your regular office. If and when you do show up at your regular office and per chance they checked on you and you are questioned, your ass is covered because you can tell them you never made it down to that "other" office because of the traffic.

42. Perform No. 41 above, but for going home (i.e., instead of saying you'll just go straight to your regular office, say you'll just head home).

43. Arrange doctor's appointments for 1 or 2 PM. This makes it difficult for you to come back to work after your appointment, hence, HALFDAY! In addition, a day or so before your "doctor's appointment" complain of aches and pains to everyone, cough and sniffle. Ask the secretary if she is going out to lunch and if she could stop by the drugstore to pick up some medication for you. This is a credibility booster. This can also be used prior to "calling in sick".

...more to come later

 

Damn redleader, have you tried and tested all of these methods, or have some of them been played on you???

 

I've used and used effectively ~85% of the methods I have presented here. Most of them I have observed other people using, although it was not possible to determine whether they were actually slacking off or whether their behavior was genuine. Still others I have spent a great deal of time contemplating and thinking of using.

 

[QUOTE]Originally posted by redleader
[B]

I've used and used effectively ~85% of the methods I have presented here.

 

1. Always drive your beater to work so that you can duck out inconspicuously.

2. Get in before everyone else (in my case, not difficult: before 9). It creates the impression that you got in earlier.

3. Take lunch an hour earlier than everyone else so that you're back when everyone else is leaving. When they come and ask you to go, you can tell them you're working through lunch. Leave an hour early at the end of the day.

4. Dial in from home before you take your morning shower and answer emails at 6:30 am.

5. I'm single and have no kids, but as far as my co-workers are concerned, I've got a wife who's sick, and PTA meetings to attend. I know what you're thinking!!! I'm a software engineer-- there's not a single hotty within miles of this place, so I ain't missin' out on a thing.