Slacking 101
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 858
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From: SoCal
I honestly believe that I have the best slacking job around. I'm a sales engineer who works with a bunch of sales people that don't give a rat's ass about the products I work with, meaning they rarely engage me. In the last two weeks, I've gone to one client meeting, and detailed the Black Beauty twice - not a bad ratio! Here's how I keep myself looking important -
1) Get a wireless NIC for your laptop, hook it up to your DSL/Cable modem, and have it near you at all times - that way you can answer (or generate) e-mail poolside, at starbucks (with the right antennae), or while catching up on TiVo'd programs. If your corporate e-mail is accessible without a VPN, get a Palm with a CDPD modem for an even easier/more portable solution.
2) Use your cell phone - it gives the appearance that you're not in your office, meaning you're busy with clients *
3) let half of your calls go to voicemail, for the same reason as #2
4) Show up to as many office meetings as you can (without cutting in to your S2K detailing time). While this may seem to contradict the goals of 2 & 3, it has 2 positive effects. A) It shows you have good time management skills and care about your 'team', and B) if your boss/co-workers never see you, they might start to think you don't do anything!
5) Set up 'lunch' meetings with co-workers that you like, and drop references to them with your boss (dropping the 'lunch' part of course).
6) Every once in a while, drag your ass out of bed before 10 am and leave a bunch of voicemails and respond to a bunch of e-mails (6:30 is a good time for this). I know it's a sacrifice, but you can always take a nap
7) Always sound rushed when talking on the phone...
8) And most important of all - always have a ready answer to the question "So Darren, what have you got on your plate this week?"
* In addition, my home office phone automatically rolls over to my cell phone after 4 rings, and I often let it do so even when I'm sitting next to the phone...
Until very recently, I've felt pretty bad about not doing much, but I've come to embrace it. My company really can't afford to not have me on the payroll, but it's not really my fault if they don't give me any work, is it?
1) Get a wireless NIC for your laptop, hook it up to your DSL/Cable modem, and have it near you at all times - that way you can answer (or generate) e-mail poolside, at starbucks (with the right antennae), or while catching up on TiVo'd programs. If your corporate e-mail is accessible without a VPN, get a Palm with a CDPD modem for an even easier/more portable solution.
2) Use your cell phone - it gives the appearance that you're not in your office, meaning you're busy with clients *
3) let half of your calls go to voicemail, for the same reason as #2
4) Show up to as many office meetings as you can (without cutting in to your S2K detailing time). While this may seem to contradict the goals of 2 & 3, it has 2 positive effects. A) It shows you have good time management skills and care about your 'team', and B) if your boss/co-workers never see you, they might start to think you don't do anything!
5) Set up 'lunch' meetings with co-workers that you like, and drop references to them with your boss (dropping the 'lunch' part of course).
6) Every once in a while, drag your ass out of bed before 10 am and leave a bunch of voicemails and respond to a bunch of e-mails (6:30 is a good time for this). I know it's a sacrifice, but you can always take a nap
7) Always sound rushed when talking on the phone...
8) And most important of all - always have a ready answer to the question "So Darren, what have you got on your plate this week?"
* In addition, my home office phone automatically rolls over to my cell phone after 4 rings, and I often let it do so even when I'm sitting next to the phone...
Until very recently, I've felt pretty bad about not doing much, but I've come to embrace it. My company really can't afford to not have me on the payroll, but it's not really my fault if they don't give me any work, is it?
Thread Starter
Banned
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,263
Likes: 1
From: On the lakefront...
Lovetodrive2000, good point...it's not like anyone around here cares, anyway. They probably wouldn't even notice.
mstw, this thread is a beautiful piece of work, isn't it?
What brilliance!
BTW, the MWE is realy effective. Right now I have two Word windows open, Outlook, 3 browsers and a mainframe terminal emultor. To the casual observer, it looks like I am so busy that people don't even talk to me. Well, maybe they don't talk to me for other reasons, but I'll take it. The less talking around here the better.
All hail the mighty slack...
mstw, this thread is a beautiful piece of work, isn't it?
What brilliance!
BTW, the MWE is realy effective. Right now I have two Word windows open, Outlook, 3 browsers and a mainframe terminal emultor. To the casual observer, it looks like I am so busy that people don't even talk to me. Well, maybe they don't talk to me for other reasons, but I'll take it. The less talking around here the better.
All hail the mighty slack...
Registered User
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,478
Likes: 0
From: San Leandro,
...still continued
24. To further make it look like your cube/office is your second home (due to your "crazy" workload), scatter some CD's around. Some good titles to include in your "CD stack/scatter" are:
A. classical titles (shows you are a refined person, good for harnessing relations with those old bats that sit on the board of directors, also whos you are the type who needs to unwind to something gentle and soft, because you're so stressed).
B. classic rock (to warm up to your immediate supervisor, who is most likely a baby boomer or close to it, and may likely relate to you as he reminisces to his younger days) and his Harley.
C. pop and hip-hop (to warm up to the young secretaries or student interns, who will most likely be doing all your work for you anyway and covering your ass as you slack off).
D. Gospel and/or other religious selections (shows you are an upstanding man of good moral values and would never cheat the company of their time or do other shady things to better your leisure time).
E. Music in foreign languages (shows you are well cultured, intelligent, speak multiple languages, and can enjoy yourself across a broad spectrum of music).
25. Leave empty tupperware in your cube/office to show that you don't even eat out but bring food from home. Shows you are someone who is good with your money but you are so busy, you don't have time to bring them home to wash them. For better effect, leave some crumbs and tidbits in their to show you were so busy you couldn't even finish your meal.
26. Alway leave your briefcase or bag on top of the desk, open and with some files or folders hanging out. This shows that you bring your work home with you and that you look like you are always trying to leave but can't because you are just so bogged down with work.
27. Keep a library or books in your cube/office. Make sure to include technical manuals and references and other professional publications. Shows you are really into your job and are constantly updating yourself with latest standards of practice. You have all the answers and do research beyond what is needed to do the job. Old text books from college are a plus because it shows you've kept them throught the years, knowing you would need it someday for work.
28. Leave a phone book out and opened to the florists section. You are too busy to buy your wife/fiance/girlfriend/lover a gift for her birthday or take her out to lunch. The best you can do is send her some flowers. Or, if you are gay or otherwise a loser, leave it opened to the restaurants section because you are ordering take-out for the one billionth time because you don't have time to go out for lunch.
29. Put up models of miniature boats/cars/ships/etc. When asked about them, say you build them as a hobby during your spare time. They will be puzzled because they think you are their 140 hours a week, how can you possibly have spare time.
30. If you are unfortunate enough..uhm, I mean fortunate enough to have children, make sure you put up their home made birthday cards to you or other arts and crafts projects. Show everyone that in addition to being a stellar employee, you are father of the year and your children worship you look a god.
31. For a little effect (like sprinkles on a doughnut), use one of those daily desktop calendars, the typ where you rip off a page for everyday. Leave it on a day from two to three weeks ago. You are too busy to read the little comics or advice on those daily pages and pull them off.
32. Keep around a dust mop and perhaps some cleansers. You're incredible, despite your crazy work schedule, you manage to keep your work area clean and tidy. You're also a neat freak and very sanitary. The hot young secretary is impressed!
...more to come later
24. To further make it look like your cube/office is your second home (due to your "crazy" workload), scatter some CD's around. Some good titles to include in your "CD stack/scatter" are:
A. classical titles (shows you are a refined person, good for harnessing relations with those old bats that sit on the board of directors, also whos you are the type who needs to unwind to something gentle and soft, because you're so stressed).
B. classic rock (to warm up to your immediate supervisor, who is most likely a baby boomer or close to it, and may likely relate to you as he reminisces to his younger days) and his Harley.
C. pop and hip-hop (to warm up to the young secretaries or student interns, who will most likely be doing all your work for you anyway and covering your ass as you slack off).
D. Gospel and/or other religious selections (shows you are an upstanding man of good moral values and would never cheat the company of their time or do other shady things to better your leisure time).
E. Music in foreign languages (shows you are well cultured, intelligent, speak multiple languages, and can enjoy yourself across a broad spectrum of music).
25. Leave empty tupperware in your cube/office to show that you don't even eat out but bring food from home. Shows you are someone who is good with your money but you are so busy, you don't have time to bring them home to wash them. For better effect, leave some crumbs and tidbits in their to show you were so busy you couldn't even finish your meal.
26. Alway leave your briefcase or bag on top of the desk, open and with some files or folders hanging out. This shows that you bring your work home with you and that you look like you are always trying to leave but can't because you are just so bogged down with work.
27. Keep a library or books in your cube/office. Make sure to include technical manuals and references and other professional publications. Shows you are really into your job and are constantly updating yourself with latest standards of practice. You have all the answers and do research beyond what is needed to do the job. Old text books from college are a plus because it shows you've kept them throught the years, knowing you would need it someday for work.
28. Leave a phone book out and opened to the florists section. You are too busy to buy your wife/fiance/girlfriend/lover a gift for her birthday or take her out to lunch. The best you can do is send her some flowers. Or, if you are gay or otherwise a loser, leave it opened to the restaurants section because you are ordering take-out for the one billionth time because you don't have time to go out for lunch.
29. Put up models of miniature boats/cars/ships/etc. When asked about them, say you build them as a hobby during your spare time. They will be puzzled because they think you are their 140 hours a week, how can you possibly have spare time.
30. If you are unfortunate enough..uhm, I mean fortunate enough to have children, make sure you put up their home made birthday cards to you or other arts and crafts projects. Show everyone that in addition to being a stellar employee, you are father of the year and your children worship you look a god.
31. For a little effect (like sprinkles on a doughnut), use one of those daily desktop calendars, the typ where you rip off a page for everyday. Leave it on a day from two to three weeks ago. You are too busy to read the little comics or advice on those daily pages and pull them off.
32. Keep around a dust mop and perhaps some cleansers. You're incredible, despite your crazy work schedule, you manage to keep your work area clean and tidy. You're also a neat freak and very sanitary. The hot young secretary is impressed!
...more to come later
Registered User
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 341
Likes: 0
From: West Bend
A couple I haven't seen...
I recently got an iPAQ pocketpc. I downloaded an Atari 2600 emulator and a bunch of games. Now this thing goes everywhere with me - especially to meetings. If I play my cards right and get a good seat I can play atari or golf or solitare for the entire meeting. Remember to contribute something once and awhile though.
If you DO end up with real work to do make sure you get in early or stay late to do it (or stop in late to complete it after a VTEC session) this way at least once and awhile you're there late working. (I usually do this at least once every other week when I have to pick up the dog from day care. Since I don't need to get her until 6:15 I stay until 6:00 and wait that day to answer all email and voicemail right before I leave) To kill time before completing the work I generally spend time here or work out.
We have a fitness center here. Keep your clothes in a locker and make sure when you go to work out you bring all your regular meeting materials with you so noone can tell if you have a meeting or are going to work out.
I recently got an iPAQ pocketpc. I downloaded an Atari 2600 emulator and a bunch of games. Now this thing goes everywhere with me - especially to meetings. If I play my cards right and get a good seat I can play atari or golf or solitare for the entire meeting. Remember to contribute something once and awhile though.
If you DO end up with real work to do make sure you get in early or stay late to do it (or stop in late to complete it after a VTEC session) this way at least once and awhile you're there late working. (I usually do this at least once every other week when I have to pick up the dog from day care. Since I don't need to get her until 6:15 I stay until 6:00 and wait that day to answer all email and voicemail right before I leave) To kill time before completing the work I generally spend time here or work out.
We have a fitness center here. Keep your clothes in a locker and make sure when you go to work out you bring all your regular meeting materials with you so noone can tell if you have a meeting or are going to work out.
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 163
Likes: 0
From: Endicott
You have to work at lunch time. You can be anywhere the rest of the day, but when everyone else is walking by to go to lunch just take a hurried bite of sandwich and wave them off like"I'm to busy to be a slacker and go to lunch like the rest of you" . The rest of the day is yours.........
Thread Starter
Banned
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,263
Likes: 1
From: On the lakefront...
Got another one.
Print shit constantly. Doesn't matter what it is, just print it. Bring reams and reams of paper back from the printer every chance you get. Have the office supply people bring up binders so you can put the useless documents into binders and lay them strategically around your desk. As others have stated, it
Print shit constantly. Doesn't matter what it is, just print it. Bring reams and reams of paper back from the printer every chance you get. Have the office supply people bring up binders so you can put the useless documents into binders and lay them strategically around your desk. As others have stated, it