Slacking 101
Registered User
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,478
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From: San Leandro,
...and here we go again...
44. Don't park near any of your co-workers. I guess the reason for this is obvious.
45. When you do have to engage in conversations with co-workers, avoid topics related to where you live, how your commute is, how you get to work, etc. Anything that may divulge your home/work schedule is bad. Last thing you need is one of those all too friendly co-workers who say, "...say Bob, I come that way everymorning, lets commute together so we can use the carpool lane!"
46. If you work in a multi-story building, always take the stairs. This allows you to: A.) avoid contact with co-workers and thereby B.) avoiding those very uncomfortable obligatory conversations which take place in an elevator and C.) limits other's knowledge of your whereabouts and destination. And, if by chance someone does see you ducking in and out of the stairwell, they'll think your feally fit and that no matter how busy you are, you still value your health and physical fitness.
47. Make sure your physical appearance matches the time of day. This allows people to see that you are working and that the workload of the day has indeed taken its toll on you because you ARE indeed working (yeah, right). If you leave looking the same as when you came in, it will look like you didn't do anything all day except for surf the web and write stuff like this on the s2000 forums. For example:
Morning: Clean shaven, tie is on straight, clothes are clean, hair is well groomed. You are happy and eager to work.
Mid-morning: Still clean and groomed, but shirt is starting to untuck itself
Noon: Still clean and groomed, but shirt sleeves have been rolled up, due to working so much and having to eat lunch
Mid-Afternoon: Collar has been loosened, tie is loosened, and shirt continues to untuck itself. Some stains on shirt from eating lunch so fast so that you can make that all important meeting.
Late-Afternoon: Shirt collar and tie is really loose, more stains on shirt due drinking coffee too fast (you need something to keep you awake since you worked so late the night before). Part of shirt is now hanging out over pants.
End of Day: Shirt is completely untucked, tie has now been removed (don't put it away though, either hold it with one hand or stuff it in your shirt pocket. You want them to know that at one point during the day you were in business attire...because you like to look professional), hair is completely disheveled, and you have a 5 o'clock shadow. You look and smell like a pile of sh_t and need to get the hell out of there.
48. If something breaks in the office (coffee machine, photocopier, printer, etc.). Always volunteer to fix it regardless if you can or can't. Imediately roll up shirt sleeves and get on your knees, opening different compartments and operating levers and buttons. Who cares if you can't fix it, you know they have service folks that fix it anyway. This just shows how much of a team player you are and that you want to keep the office running. It will also help you achieve No. 47 above. Besides, physical activities such as this gives fellow s2000 forum members a chance to reply to your posts. Be sure to say something like, "...No, not now! I need to get this report printed ASAP. Nevermind the service guy, I'll fix it right now!" The young hottie secretary is, again, impressed.
49. Don't tell anyone what kind of car you drive. Last thing you need is someone at work saying, "...hey Gary, I saw you on the expressway this morning! Man, that morning traffic is a bear huh? We should carpool sometime!" Now do you really need Mr. Eager Beaver knowing about your comings and goings?
50. See No. 48 above. If volunteering to do stuff that was never your job or duty in the first place makes you look good, then just volunteer to do everything in the office. And if it doesn't get done (which it won't because you are a slacker), just say, "...well, Barry is the guy in charge of this and he was going to walk me through it, but I guess he never got around to it." You can ALWAYS blame it back on the guy who's job it was in the first place.
51. If you do have to leave during the day for extended periods of time (and you will...because you are a slacker) and you are UNABLE to sneak in and the office is full of people talking and working (and they will be sure to see you), then do the OPPOSITE of sneaking in. Burst into the room and make it known that you are upset about being away so long by saying stuff like, "...damn those clients, they made me stay an extra 2 hours explaining our product to them. My 5 year old son can catch on faster than those bozos!!" or "...I can't believe they closed the interchange during the middle of the f_cking day! Now how the hell am I suppose to get these reports done?!?!" and or course, "...that's the last time I use my own car for work purposes, that son of a bitch would freeze up in the middle of summer on the equator!!!" This is great because it shows you used your own car for work purposes. Now how generous is that? You ARE a team player!
52. Oh, and believe me, you will get caught slacking. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but you will get caught eventually. If your boss comes in and catches you, he'll most likely say something like, "...Dale, I've notice you've been surfing the net all day. What have you gotten done? Not much I assume!", whereby you will answer with a grim and sad look on your face, "...Aunt Edna was dear to me, now that she's gone, I just can't seem to muster up the strength to go on." Your boss will either walk away embarassed as all hell, or make you go home and take as much time as you need to get over your "grief".
...more to come later
44. Don't park near any of your co-workers. I guess the reason for this is obvious.
45. When you do have to engage in conversations with co-workers, avoid topics related to where you live, how your commute is, how you get to work, etc. Anything that may divulge your home/work schedule is bad. Last thing you need is one of those all too friendly co-workers who say, "...say Bob, I come that way everymorning, lets commute together so we can use the carpool lane!"
46. If you work in a multi-story building, always take the stairs. This allows you to: A.) avoid contact with co-workers and thereby B.) avoiding those very uncomfortable obligatory conversations which take place in an elevator and C.) limits other's knowledge of your whereabouts and destination. And, if by chance someone does see you ducking in and out of the stairwell, they'll think your feally fit and that no matter how busy you are, you still value your health and physical fitness.
47. Make sure your physical appearance matches the time of day. This allows people to see that you are working and that the workload of the day has indeed taken its toll on you because you ARE indeed working (yeah, right). If you leave looking the same as when you came in, it will look like you didn't do anything all day except for surf the web and write stuff like this on the s2000 forums. For example:
Morning: Clean shaven, tie is on straight, clothes are clean, hair is well groomed. You are happy and eager to work.
Mid-morning: Still clean and groomed, but shirt is starting to untuck itself
Noon: Still clean and groomed, but shirt sleeves have been rolled up, due to working so much and having to eat lunch
Mid-Afternoon: Collar has been loosened, tie is loosened, and shirt continues to untuck itself. Some stains on shirt from eating lunch so fast so that you can make that all important meeting.
Late-Afternoon: Shirt collar and tie is really loose, more stains on shirt due drinking coffee too fast (you need something to keep you awake since you worked so late the night before). Part of shirt is now hanging out over pants.
End of Day: Shirt is completely untucked, tie has now been removed (don't put it away though, either hold it with one hand or stuff it in your shirt pocket. You want them to know that at one point during the day you were in business attire...because you like to look professional), hair is completely disheveled, and you have a 5 o'clock shadow. You look and smell like a pile of sh_t and need to get the hell out of there.
48. If something breaks in the office (coffee machine, photocopier, printer, etc.). Always volunteer to fix it regardless if you can or can't. Imediately roll up shirt sleeves and get on your knees, opening different compartments and operating levers and buttons. Who cares if you can't fix it, you know they have service folks that fix it anyway. This just shows how much of a team player you are and that you want to keep the office running. It will also help you achieve No. 47 above. Besides, physical activities such as this gives fellow s2000 forum members a chance to reply to your posts. Be sure to say something like, "...No, not now! I need to get this report printed ASAP. Nevermind the service guy, I'll fix it right now!" The young hottie secretary is, again, impressed.
49. Don't tell anyone what kind of car you drive. Last thing you need is someone at work saying, "...hey Gary, I saw you on the expressway this morning! Man, that morning traffic is a bear huh? We should carpool sometime!" Now do you really need Mr. Eager Beaver knowing about your comings and goings?
50. See No. 48 above. If volunteering to do stuff that was never your job or duty in the first place makes you look good, then just volunteer to do everything in the office. And if it doesn't get done (which it won't because you are a slacker), just say, "...well, Barry is the guy in charge of this and he was going to walk me through it, but I guess he never got around to it." You can ALWAYS blame it back on the guy who's job it was in the first place.
51. If you do have to leave during the day for extended periods of time (and you will...because you are a slacker) and you are UNABLE to sneak in and the office is full of people talking and working (and they will be sure to see you), then do the OPPOSITE of sneaking in. Burst into the room and make it known that you are upset about being away so long by saying stuff like, "...damn those clients, they made me stay an extra 2 hours explaining our product to them. My 5 year old son can catch on faster than those bozos!!" or "...I can't believe they closed the interchange during the middle of the f_cking day! Now how the hell am I suppose to get these reports done?!?!" and or course, "...that's the last time I use my own car for work purposes, that son of a bitch would freeze up in the middle of summer on the equator!!!" This is great because it shows you used your own car for work purposes. Now how generous is that? You ARE a team player!
52. Oh, and believe me, you will get caught slacking. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but you will get caught eventually. If your boss comes in and catches you, he'll most likely say something like, "...Dale, I've notice you've been surfing the net all day. What have you gotten done? Not much I assume!", whereby you will answer with a grim and sad look on your face, "...Aunt Edna was dear to me, now that she's gone, I just can't seem to muster up the strength to go on." Your boss will either walk away embarassed as all hell, or make you go home and take as much time as you need to get over your "grief".
...more to come later
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 721
Likes: 0
From: Chicago
HOLY SHIT!!! Damn man...I'm 22 and supposed to be part of the laziest ass generation to ever grace this earth...but you guys are like the TITANS OF LETHARGY and make me ashamed for not trying hard enough to do nothing...
Redleader, dude you're a riot, and an inspiration to me.
Greg, I'm from Chi-town too, and soon as I have a decent job again...I've got to get together with you and take some notes or something.
It's disgusting how so many of you pride yourselves on your uselessness. My hat goes off to each of you...buncha lazy bastards...
Redleader, dude you're a riot, and an inspiration to me.
Greg, I'm from Chi-town too, and soon as I have a decent job again...I've got to get together with you and take some notes or something.
It's disgusting how so many of you pride yourselves on your uselessness. My hat goes off to each of you...buncha lazy bastards...
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 35,982
Likes: 211
From: 262 miles N of the Dragon
Heck, I'm just reading these so I can catch the "Greg Stevens" of the world!! 
No more slacking for these slackers who like to slack off that work for me!!
Dang, just to digest all these new ways of slacking off, I'd better fire up the Stook and go for an afternoon drive today!!
No more slacking for these slackers who like to slack off that work for me!!
Dang, just to digest all these new ways of slacking off, I'd better fire up the Stook and go for an afternoon drive today!!
Registered User
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 137
Likes: 0
From: chicago
everyone this has been great info. as the owner of a business i now know what to look for.....since you guys shared with me i'll share with you.....buy yourself a nice office chair, with your own money of course, this shows management that you are spending alot of time at work. next, find out when your direct supervisors boss will be at the office on a saturday. show up and stay there the entire day, making sure that you are there after they leave. i know that you are sacrificing a saturday, but let me tell you how long that vision of you slaving on the weekend goes. just so you guys know half the promotions at allstate corp location are obtained that way
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