Mindcore's post reminded me of this. Some of you may have seen it, it's also a very good read.

Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work

Memorize these definitions, and pooping at work will
become a pure
pleasure.

ASTAIRE
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD
BURGLARS that
you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt
that the stall is
occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom
immediately
so the pooper can poop in peace.

CAMO-COUGH
A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the
bathroom that
you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a
WATERMELON or
to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when
used in
conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

COURTESY FLUSH
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone
of the poop log
hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an
undisclosed
location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop
has to stink
up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught
doing the
WALK OF SHAME.

CRACK WHORE
A crapper that has seen more ass than a Greyhound Bus.
Telltale
signs of a CRACK WHORE include pubes, piss stains and
shit
streaks. Avoid a CRACK WHORE at all cost. Try finding
out when
the janitor cleans each particular bathroom. Don't
forget with a good
cleaning, a CRACK WHORE can become a SAFE HAVEN.

ESCAPEE
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal
or forcing poop in
a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of
panic and
embarrassment, similar to the hot flash you receive when
passing an
unseen police car and speeding. If you release an
escapee, do not
acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are
standing next to
the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear
it. No one likes
an escapee; it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making
a joke or
laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

FLY BY
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk
in, check
for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom,
leave and come
back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER.
People
may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going
into the
bathroom.

HAVANA OMELET
A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud
splashes in the toilet
water. Often accompanied by an ESCAPEE. Try using a
CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE)
When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a
machine-gun pace. This
is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If
this should
happen, do not panic; remain in the stall until everyone
has left the
bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what
just
occurred.

OUT-OF-THE-CLOSET POOPER
A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it.
You will
often see an OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER enter the bathroom
with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always
look around
the office for the OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER before
entering the
bathroom.

POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
A group of coworkers who band together to ensure
emergency
pooping goes off without incident. This group can help
you to monitor
the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and
identify
SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVEN
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where
you can
least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly
of the opposite
sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex
entering the
bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR
A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall
and tries to
force the door open. This is one of the most shocking
and vulnerable
moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this
occurs,
remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This
way you
will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

UNCLE TED
A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever.
Could spend
extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or
sitting on the pot. An
UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the
crapper, as you
should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom
is empty.
This benefits you as well as the other bathroom
attendees.

WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after
you have just
stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable
moment if
someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is
best to
pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided
with the use of
a COURTESY FLUSH.

WATERMELON
A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the
toilet water. This is
also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WAERMELON
coming
on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH

 

It's very funny but alias it's already been done!!