TepEvan is a wise man. heed his advice. It is so true. A clean break and time away is the only way it could work once the emotions have some time to cool off then it could work in the future, but right now...it'd be as Tep said.

 

I'm still friends with the majority of people I've ever dated (though not with my ex husband). If the situation is handled maturely when you end things, it makes it a lot easier down the road to manage the friend part.

If you're really trying to manage the friend part, though, you have to be a FRIEND and not someone she has to tiptoe around. A true friend won't get upset if you're out somewhere and another guy hits on her or if she talks to you about someone she is interested in (insensitive on her part, but it could happen), so keep this in mind and see if you can handle those scenarios. If you can, go for it!

 

[QUOTE]Originally posted by s2000raj
[B]TepEvan is a wise man. heed his advice.

 

it depends on the relationship. i'm still friends with some guys that i dated. if you're dating someone new and she's dating someone new its easier. sometimes being friends with an ex might be too painful, and it would make things worse. as long as you're both mature about it being friends might be rewarding. good luck.

 

If I knew I was gay, why would I ask people on here if I was? And the gay jokes really make things better.

If I posted something like, "Do you think I'm gay?", and everyone says yes, then why would I ask in the first place? Maybe you should show more respect to people and maybe you wouldn't need to grovel back to your ex girlfriends.

 

i think it depends on what you want. How long has it been? the fact that you had to "convince" her to stay friends tells me that you're not ready for even that. to me it sounds like you're trying to stay friends because you can't be near her in a relationship so you're settling to just be near her.

i've tried this as well, not realizing at the time what it was I was actually doing. in the end this does not work, i think you'll only be friends once you move on to other people. take a break and just be casual friends--which means you don't hangout every weekend or call everyday, maybe once a month. but you need to accept the fact that for the near future things are not going to be even remotely similiar to how they were--not just in the physical sense, on all levels it will be different.

my personal story, i went out with a girl for 3 years when it was over i think i spoke to her 3 times in the following 3 years. i ran into her over a year after we graduated from the same college and we still keep in touch. but it's a mutual respect friendship where we talk maybe 1-2 a month and have dinner. i was in the exact same place you are right now when we broke up, everyone's advice here is spot on. if you don't see that now, you will in time.

since i've been in a similiar situation and to be honest, most of the people here probably have as well so try to take this advice seriously.

I'm not sure if you posted this hoping that we would affirm your decision or because deep down you know something is not right. if you do decide to "pursue" this just watch out for what's happening, you might realize that you're trying to win her back instead of just being friends.

 

Maybe some of the females on this board can help with this... I have a wonderful 19 year old sister who is blessed with beauty and brains.... she has been put in this situation a ton of times and would often come to me crying wanting to know why guys won't just go away and want to be friends... so to try and make the best of a bad situation and not hurt the guys any more she reluctantly agrees to be friends. There are some ex'es that she is still friends with and all are good, because she is the one who wanted to be friends. Most though just won't let go...

She tells me it is hard to hurt a person even more and part of her doesn't like to think she is causing anyone pain... so if being friends makes him feel better then she agrees to it...

The problem is that the guy only wants to be friends temporarily... this is where things get sticky. She would find herself back in the same situation of having to hurt this person again and again...

It is just rinse repeat until the guy gives up...

Until now... I have finally convinced my sister to be HONEST!! That she is responsible for a lot of her guy problems because she isn't honest with them. If she would just tell them the truth IE: They are boring... Too nerdy etc... and stop trying not to hurt people's feelings then things might get better.

So ladies... do you feel that honesty is the best policy? Is telling a guy that he is too short, too nerdy, or too boring the best policy?

I stopped giving advice to friends on dating... if you didn't tell them what they wanted to hear then they got defensive and would blame me for stuff...

 

Coming from a female:

Relationships in general should be based on trust, whether its with ure mother, friend, or significant other. And honesty is the thing that builds the trust. So yes, I am a firm believer that honesty is the best policy. Your sister, s2kla, really should be honest if she doesnt want any ties with these guys...u gave her good advice. Honesty, as much as it may hurt at first is always appreciated in the long run.

 

Ok, I agree that honesty is good, however its not necessary to be totally honest. I mean if you don't want to date someone any more for whatever reason, just tell them you want to end the relationship. It may be because they have a third nipple but do you have to tell them that you're breaking up because they are a freak? You can just say that you want to date other people, without really hurting their feelings.

Unless of course they badger you for a specific reason, and if that's the case, tell them. Sometimes honesty hurts!

As far as being friends.... It can work. BUT usually not Immediately! Like Sondra said it depends on how mature you both are and how the breakup went. If it was a rough break, you may want to wait six months, or three months after your last booty call.