Sorry if you have seen these before, but so many of them struck a cord with me. How many are true for you? No need to confess to a specific action.


Alcohol

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shamed.
Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards
and all of their hopes and dreams If I didn't drink this wine, they
might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to
myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come
true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy
>
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
hell happened to your bra and panties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the
morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you
are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When
we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go
to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
retard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is
beer.
Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel
does not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~ Dave Howell
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
converse with members of the opposite s e x without spitting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory
to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move
as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the
slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural
selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed
and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of
the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the
slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills
brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain
cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why
you always feel smarter after a few beers."

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.

 

The good folks at AA will tell you alcohol is a crutch. I prefer to think of it as a tool.

Rehab is for quitters.

 

I'm trying to decide how to respond to this....

 

^Well, it was tongue in cheek.

 

Well, I never lost my bra and panties. But that's another thread .

The Frank Sinatra one is a serious little nugget of wisdom. But check the sig. Updated about a month ago .

 

Hey Rooster!

Where the _ _ _ _ have you been?

 

I think this one is funny, but don't necessarily think its true, well . . . sort of and sort of not:

Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes. It's our job to stomp them, and then keep them in the dark until they mature. And hopefully they'll turn out to be something we would like to have dinner with.

 

There were so many alcoholics in my family (not my parent/siblings, luckily) that it scared me off alcohol before I ever got started.

I know I have an addictive personality, so I think that's a good thing. If I drank alcohol the way I eat chocolate, I'd be dead by now

 

Paraphrasing W.C. Fields:

Once during Prohibition I had to survive on nothing but food and water for an entire week.

 

In rehab