Have you ever attended a party wherein your friends announce their divorce?

We're traveling to Oregon on 7/20 for a long-anticipated long weekend with two other couples....one of each pair were high school classmates of both Kathy and me in the 60's. This is the 3rd iteration of this min-reunion.....first was at our G-burg cottage October 2004; followed by Tampa in January 2006; and now a beach house in Newport OR in July 2006.....rotating between all 3 couples as hosts.

Well, a few days ago my friend (Professor at U Tampa) emailed that they were coming....but were getting a divorce We knew that they were having some problems....but not this serious All 4 of the others have expressed concern to 'John' and suggested some sort of brief discussion take place when we gather next Friday in the late afternoon....on the lovely central Oregon coast
Reply from "John": "We don't want any discussion.....there's nothing to talk about....we just want to celebrate our time together"

This like a soap opera or a 'reality' TV show. How can we have a good time with this news hanging over the gathering like a dark cloud? Are we supposed to pretend that everything is 'normal'...when we love both John and Jane? Have you ever had any similar discomforting situation with friends or family re: divorce

 

Can't say we've ever encountered such a thing.

I doubt talking to them about it will change anything. Sounds like they made their decision. If they are comfortable enough to travel together (without weapons) it sounds like it will be OK............weird but OK.

 

I don't know. Lately it seems like the world is upside down. Like you, Jerry, I'd expect that if friends were getting a divorce they wouldn't be traveling together. Like you, I think I'd also be concerned that this would be hanging over everyone else's head at the reunion. I suppose the world is upside down and you are expected to ignore this and just have a good time. Still, it doesn't seem normal.

 

This might be an issue...b/c HE is conservative and SHE is a liberal Maybe she took away his manly sidearm and has locked it up....

But let's not digress....don't want LegalBill to move this into that Siberia called 'Polyticks'

 

Normal is nasty when it comes to divorce. I've been around two of my mom's, two of my dad's, one of one sister's, three of another sister's,...

If these two people are traveling together and getting divorced, I'd wonder if they won't just remarry in the future.

 

One of the most difficult things after my divorce in '94 was watching all our former friends squirm as they decided (as couples) which one of us to be friends with. It is an uncomfortable time, and I wish you all well, but it will be uncomforatble, and change is going to come. Be ready.

GL,
Dave

 

I think their loyalty to their friends took precedence over the situation with the two of them. It could be a friendly divorce, like mine was. I'd take your friend's words at face value. Discussing it will only put a damper on the festivities - unless they bring it up, of course. Have fun!!

 

I have to go along with what Lainey & Deb think. Jerry enjoy your reunion as it might be your last.

 

I hope it works out as Deb suggested. Perhaps they've made their peace with the relationship and don't want you guys to have to choose between them. Perhaps...

 

This hits close to home since just last weekend I had a phone call from one of my best friends letting me know she'd left her husband. I'd known both of them for more than 25 years and its really caused me to feel a little depressed. Her reasons for leaving were valid to her, but they were not things that couldn't have been worked out. They've built their dream home (about 10 yrs ago), own tons of rental property, have everything materially anyone could ever want, but her complaint is that he's tired when he comes home from work and falls asleep in front of the tv. She wants more conversation and feels that she no longer loves him. I've even had a couple of periods that I literally cried over this whole thing (I'm such a big softie) because I feel so much disappointment. All their kids are grown, they have beautiful little granddaughters and I thought they had everything going for them . . . I really hate it that its happening and am dreading seeing him because I have no clue what to say. I guess it'll be like those times when you see someone who just had a death in the family and you say, I'm so sorry, give them a hug and know there's nothing more to say. . . I think this also feeds my sense of insecurity since I do not work outside the home and always wonder if I'm doing my fair share toward my +1. Will he not find me exciting some day? Does he get tired of my little moods? Am I bright and witty enough? Am I getting old and fat and wrinkled? Does he not find me attractive? Is my conversation intelligent enough? Will he just come home one day and decide its over? I suppose its a little silly and this is probably tmi, but after all, I talk to you guys more than I do anyone else (according to my ppd).