JOKE OF THE DAY
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From: Miami/305
JOKE OF THE DAY
It's time to restart the Joke of the day south Florida style thread again....
The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles
around (Ft. Lauderdale, Davie, Hollywood, etc,) When the fire fighters
appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the
fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault. They must
be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."
But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments
had to be called in West Palm, Boca, etc. as the situation became desperate.
As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now
$100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.
From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire
truck came into sight. It was the nearby Hialeah Volunteer Fire Company
composed mainly of Cubans over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, the
little run-down fire engine, operated by these Cubans, passed all the newer
sleek engines parked outside the plant...and drove straight into the middle
of the inferno.
Outside, the other firemen watched as the Cuban old timers
jumped off almost inside the flames and began to fight the fire with a
performance & effort never seen before. Within a short time, the old timers
had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.
The grateful chemical company president joyfully announced
that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and
walked over to personally thank each of the brave, though elderly, Cuban
firefighters.
Channels 4, 6, 7, 10, 23 and 51 TV news reporters rushed in
after capturing the event on film asking, "What are you going to do with
all that money?"
"Co
The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles
around (Ft. Lauderdale, Davie, Hollywood, etc,) When the fire fighters
appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the
fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault. They must
be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."
But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments
had to be called in West Palm, Boca, etc. as the situation became desperate.
As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now
$100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.
From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire
truck came into sight. It was the nearby Hialeah Volunteer Fire Company
composed mainly of Cubans over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, the
little run-down fire engine, operated by these Cubans, passed all the newer
sleek engines parked outside the plant...and drove straight into the middle
of the inferno.
Outside, the other firemen watched as the Cuban old timers
jumped off almost inside the flames and began to fight the fire with a
performance & effort never seen before. Within a short time, the old timers
had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.
The grateful chemical company president joyfully announced
that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and
walked over to personally thank each of the brave, though elderly, Cuban
firefighters.
Channels 4, 6, 7, 10, 23 and 51 TV news reporters rushed in
after capturing the event on film asking, "What are you going to do with
all that money?"
"Co
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From: Miami Beach, FL
DOGS
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and the other was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLOOOOOOO......." answered the blonde.
"They are watch dogs!"
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and the other was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLOOOOOOO......." answered the blonde.
"They are watch dogs!"
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From: Miami/305
Teacher: "Do you know the importance of a period?"
Kid: "Yeah, it's VERY important: once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack, and our driver ran away!"
Kid: "Yeah, it's VERY important: once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack, and our driver ran away!"
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From: Miami Beach, FL
LIE DETECTING ROBOT
One day Kyle's dad brought home a robot. The robot was special in that it could detect a lie and would slap the person who lied on the face.
Kyle returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, "Son why are you late from school?"
Kyle answered, "Dad, we had extra classes today"
Much to his astonishment the robot jumped up and slapped Kyle on his face.
His dad told him, "Son this robot is special in that it can detect a lie and will then slap the person who lied. Now come and tell me the truth.
Why are you late?"
"Dad, I went to a movie"
"which movie?"
"The Ten Commandments"
Immediately, Kyle got slapped on the face again.
"Sorry Dad, I went to see the movie Sex Queen"
"Shame on you son, when I was your age I never watched obscene movies or misbehaved"
Immediately, the dad gets a light slap on the face from the robot.
Hearing the last sentence, Kyle's mother comes walking out of the kitchen and sarcastically says to her husband, "After all he is YOUR son!!!"
To which the robot steps up and gives Kyle's mother a resounding slap on her face!
One day Kyle's dad brought home a robot. The robot was special in that it could detect a lie and would slap the person who lied on the face.
Kyle returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, "Son why are you late from school?"
Kyle answered, "Dad, we had extra classes today"
Much to his astonishment the robot jumped up and slapped Kyle on his face.
His dad told him, "Son this robot is special in that it can detect a lie and will then slap the person who lied. Now come and tell me the truth.
Why are you late?"
"Dad, I went to a movie"
"which movie?"
"The Ten Commandments"
Immediately, Kyle got slapped on the face again.
"Sorry Dad, I went to see the movie Sex Queen"
"Shame on you son, when I was your age I never watched obscene movies or misbehaved"
Immediately, the dad gets a light slap on the face from the robot.
Hearing the last sentence, Kyle's mother comes walking out of the kitchen and sarcastically says to her husband, "After all he is YOUR son!!!"
To which the robot steps up and gives Kyle's mother a resounding slap on her face!
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From: Miami/305
George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm.
George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses?"
The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.
George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Hey there! Aren't you Moses?"
The man continued to peruse the ceiling.
George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "HEY THERE! Aren't you Moses???"
The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "Yes, I am."
George W., a bit peeved at this point then asked, "Why the cold shoulder?"
To which Moses replied, "The last time a bush spoke to me I ended up spending forty years in the wilderness."
George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses?"
The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.
George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Hey there! Aren't you Moses?"
The man continued to peruse the ceiling.
George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "HEY THERE! Aren't you Moses???"
The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "Yes, I am."
George W., a bit peeved at this point then asked, "Why the cold shoulder?"
To which Moses replied, "The last time a bush spoke to me I ended up spending forty years in the wilderness."
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From: Miami/305
A talking clock...
A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night.
He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.
"What's with that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked. "Its not a gong. Its a talking clock", the drunk replied.
"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend. "Yup", replied the drunk.
"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it. "Watch", the drunk replied.
He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "Hey, jerk! It's one-fifteen in the morning!"
A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night.
He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.
"What's with that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked. "Its not a gong. Its a talking clock", the drunk replied.
"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend. "Yup", replied the drunk.
"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it. "Watch", the drunk replied.
He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "Hey, jerk! It's one-fifteen in the morning!"
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From: Miami Beach, FL
2008 TAX CODE
The only thing that the IRS has not taxed yet is the male penis.
This is due to the fact that 69% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 10% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 1% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts.
However, effective January 1st, 2008, the penis will now be taxed according to size:
The brackets are as follows:
10-12"
Luxury tax
$300.00
8-10"
Pole tax
$250.00
5-8"
Privilege tax
$150.00
3-5"
Nuisance tax
$30.00
Males exceding 12" must file capital gains.
Anyone under 4" is eligible for a tax refund.
PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION
The only thing that the IRS has not taxed yet is the male penis.
This is due to the fact that 69% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 10% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 1% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts.
However, effective January 1st, 2008, the penis will now be taxed according to size:
The brackets are as follows:
10-12"
Luxury tax
$300.00
8-10"
Pole tax
$250.00
5-8"
Privilege tax
$150.00
3-5"
Nuisance tax
$30.00
Males exceding 12" must file capital gains.
Anyone under 4" is eligible for a tax refund.
PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION