Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn’t find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, “always leave things the way you found em!”

 

Chuck Norris was the orginal sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel.

 

Chuck Norris doesn't have the control button on his keyboard, because he is always in control

 

Chuck Norris does not wear a watch, HE decides the time.

 

Chuck Norris asked for a Big Mac at Burger King and got one

 

Chuck Norris is an angry fighter but a gentle lover. Keep in mind, gentle for chuck norris is only breaking half your bones.

 

There was never a bomb dropped in Nagasaki, Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.

 

When Chuck Norris is having sex with a woman, and she is on top of him, she qualifies for the mile high club

 

The reason chuck norris destroyed the rain forest was because he wanted a tooth pick

 

Jesus wears a chuck norris penant around his neck