Headaches come from having too much sex for too long with one person. If you marry them, it's practically a double-down.

 

That's how quite a few women perceive me.

 

Either/or. . . see my previous answer to bigyf's statement.

 

After a cursory glance elsewhere online for a definition, it would seem to me that yes, masturbation is sexual activity, and therefore, sex.

Ice up your hand; pretend it's somebody else.

 

I sort of agree. Here's probably the closer formula:

If Republican, purchase; you support the free market and keep her physically bent over as well as figuratively bent over by ratting her out to the cops.

If Democrat, sleep with your staff, or others you know.

If Green, sleep with whoever, smoke some bud, and don't shave.

If Libertarian, ban it from your neighborhood, but insist on everyone's right to have it.

 

Raymo,

There's nothing on this earth that a good dog and a jar of peanut butter won't fix.

 

what about the left hand?

 

Use one hand to take care of business, use the other to steady yourself and/or hold the magazine (or mouse, as the case may be).

 

What about a somewhat willing frog? I seem to recall video of a simian not so unlike me who turned his opposable thumb to his advantage.

Peanut butter after all is somewhat messy when used in any situation.

 

You don't know where that frog has been. At least the dog has been drinking out of the toilet bowl. . .