Ask Unkie Trunkie!
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From: SJC
Originally Posted by espelirS2K,Mar 23 2010, 07:55 AM
(note: not really a question:
Well, UnkieT (Cher). Shit finally hit the fan last night with me and the other one and her drinking. Long story short--she was doing at least 6 shots and 4 glasses of wine per day. But the kicker is, she was doing at least half of it while at work, or before work, so I wouldn't notice.
At one point I did actually leave for a few hours, and came back (around 1am). And basically gave her a three option ultimatum:
1. She admits she has a problem, and allows me to take her to get professional help (as it's way above my scope of addiction knowledge).
2. She doesn't get help, and I go above her, step out of my place. And tell her boss, and her family. She loses her job, her house, me, and eventually ends up in jail and/or dead.
3. She doesn't get help, and doesn't want me to go out of my level of "authority," and I walk out. Leave from her life completely. Then will quickly follow path 2.
She couldn't choose last night, so I let her sleep on it. She (thankfully) chose number 1. I told myself I wouldn't give her another chance--and while I'm kind of on the fence as if I really am or not. Because I'm only still sticking around 'cause she needs help, and she's going to get help.
Now what?
Well, UnkieT (Cher). Shit finally hit the fan last night with me and the other one and her drinking. Long story short--she was doing at least 6 shots and 4 glasses of wine per day. But the kicker is, she was doing at least half of it while at work, or before work, so I wouldn't notice.
At one point I did actually leave for a few hours, and came back (around 1am). And basically gave her a three option ultimatum:
1. She admits she has a problem, and allows me to take her to get professional help (as it's way above my scope of addiction knowledge).
2. She doesn't get help, and I go above her, step out of my place. And tell her boss, and her family. She loses her job, her house, me, and eventually ends up in jail and/or dead.
3. She doesn't get help, and doesn't want me to go out of my level of "authority," and I walk out. Leave from her life completely. Then will quickly follow path 2.
She couldn't choose last night, so I let her sleep on it. She (thankfully) chose number 1. I told myself I wouldn't give her another chance--and while I'm kind of on the fence as if I really am or not. Because I'm only still sticking around 'cause she needs help, and she's going to get help.
Now what?
If you love her, and she's entertaining option 1. Help her. . . but get ready for things to get worse before they get better. She might hate you. . . a lot. You're doing the right thing though. Just understand you two might break up as she breaks down.
Get ready to have a roommate, and not a girlfriend. . . or worse.
Just remember, you're doing this because you love her. Don't do this for yourself.
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The first step would be to find out what she views as "help." There are a number of options and you two may not be on the same page. She may want to try AA (and you may want to consider some support from AlAnon), but AA is *not* treatment. Different people have different opinions of AA (and often meetings are part of in-patient treatment), but it's only part of the puzzle. Some people do end up being clean for long periods of time with AA, but my personal feeling is that it sets people up for failure when they "slip" (and they inevitably do). But really, it's her choice...
Detox will probably be in order, especially if she's willing to go to an in-patient program. I'm horribly uneducated when it comes to the options in the US (including payment/insurance/etc.), so finding treatment options might be limited by those factors.
I think, while difficult, it makes sense for you to have given her those choices. As long as she gets away with it, she'll keep doing the things she's been doing. She'll probably appreciate your support (even if she doesn't tell you), but don't let her take advantage. It will be a battle for both of you, but don't let yourself believe for a second that if you end up having to walk away it means you don't care for her.
As always you can PM me. It's a crappy situation, but it sounds like you're on a helpful path.
Detox will probably be in order, especially if she's willing to go to an in-patient program. I'm horribly uneducated when it comes to the options in the US (including payment/insurance/etc.), so finding treatment options might be limited by those factors.
I think, while difficult, it makes sense for you to have given her those choices. As long as she gets away with it, she'll keep doing the things she's been doing. She'll probably appreciate your support (even if she doesn't tell you), but don't let her take advantage. It will be a battle for both of you, but don't let yourself believe for a second that if you end up having to walk away it means you don't care for her.
As always you can PM me. It's a crappy situation, but it sounds like you're on a helpful path.
ming house going to sell?!
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From: SJC
Originally Posted by s2ko,Mar 23 2010, 01:14 PM
Does this mean you will have to 
more in order to fill your new space with that special aroma?
more in order to fill your new space with that special aroma?