A penguin was driving his Cadillac in the desert with the stereo blaring and the air conditioner up full blast. (He's a penguin, right?) He notices his temperature gauge rising precipitously. So he pulls his Cadillac into the local garage. The mechanic says, “Give me about an hour.” And the penguin replies, “No problem" and walks across the street and into a supermarket. He immediately heads into the frozen foods section and climbs into the dairy case. (He's a penguin, right?) He sees vanilla ice cream. He loves vanilla ice cream! So he scarfs down a whole half gallon and makes a real mess -- vanilla ice cream all down the front of himself Then he looks at his watch and notices that an hour had expired. He hops out of the dairy case, walks out of the supermarket, across the street, and back to the garage. The mechanic takes one look at him ad says, “Looks like you blew a seal.” The penguin looks down at the front of himself and replies, “Oh, no, that’s just ice cream.”

 

Three guys walk into a bar.
the fourth one ducks

 

I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

 

 

Three guys walk into a bar.
the fourth one ducks

 

What did the snail when it was on top of the turtle?

"WHEEE!!"

 

Three guys walk into a bar.
the fourth one ducks

 

There once was a farmer who was raising three daughters on his own. He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them. As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date. This was the first time this had occurred. As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss. The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. The father answered the door and the lad said "Hi, my name's Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're going to the show" The farmer hollered "Hey, Flo, it's Joe.Hed'scome to take you to the show. Are you ready to go?" The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way. The next lad arrived and said, "Him my name's Freddie, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna get some spaghetti." The farmer hollered "Hey, Betty, it's Fredddie. He's here to take you to get spaghetti. Are you ready?" The farmer felt this one was okay too, so off the two kids went. The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy started off, "Hi, my name's Chuck….." and the farmer shot him.

 

Will glass coffins be a success?

Remains to be seen.